i am tired..

really really tired

- tired of things in my body going wrong

- tired of having to work with people who are capable of neither empathy or integrity

- tired of carrying round a whole lot of my mother's fears, and this isn't her fault necessarily, i'm just tired of having her voice in my head when i would be much better off listening to my own - why won't it go away - i thought i'd done enough therapy...apparently not

- tired of feeling like when i need people they just aren't there

- tired of being disappointed so often

- tired of worrying about what other people think, and even though it's only a tiny tiny part of me, when i'm tired and run down, it seems to become more important to me

- tired of being sad about the childhood i didn't have

- tired of regetting things i say coz i'm not very assertive (despite what people think)

- tired of people thinking i'm strong and resilient coz i'm actually just as human as the next person

- tired of beating myself up for every little imperfection

- tired of trying to please everyone - i just can't

i'm just really really tired and when i really needed someone to talk to last week, the one person who always tells me to call in a crisis hasn't even returned my call...i guess it's possible she didn't get my message but i feel really let down, really abandoned and the voices in my head are going into overdrive, and usually i would know what to do to stop them, but i don't seem to have any reserves left and i'm feeling scared..

i'm not sure how much more i can take and i'm not really sure what to do about it

i'm so tired i think i could sleep forever...