chuffed, absolutely chuffed

sometimes having no expectations at all is the best way to avoid being disappoined, but absolutely chuffed!

so i called a meeting with my boss today - following the continuing decline in my health and the news i recieved friday which is impacting my ability to focus - so i could update her on where i was at and once we'd talked about that she pulls out an envelope..

see it's bonus time at work and because i've changed careers this year (and initially to a job where i was probably paid more than double what my colleagues were doing due to my previous seniority) i didn't expect any sort of increase or bonus...

so imagine my delight when she opens the envelope and reads out the contents!

thank you universe! and thank you work for sending me this sign that i am valued...

life can be cruel sometimes...

this is gonna be cryptic (so i apologise in advance) as what i want to post is a little personal...

see i got some news yesterday which has kind of shaken me up a little...it's not tragic, it's not life threatening and honestly, it's not something i am shocked about, but it has taken away my choice...

not only has it taken away my choice, it's kinda final...nothing me or anyone else can really do about it, and it made me sad...

so sad i cried when the doctor told me, so sad when i got home and ben asked me what happened i cried on him for ages, so sad that everytime i thought about it for the next 24 hours or so it made me really sad...

and honestly, i'm not sure it has changed what may have happened anyway, but still, i no longer have a choice and i certainly no longer have any control over the outcome...

life can be cruel sometimes, and whilst i will accept this with grace (bar my outburst to my mother - i'm sorry mum) and will do my level best to make it easier for myself, i think that a couple of days of self indulgence (which has included retail therapy and tim tams) is warranted as i ease myself into a new way of thinking about the possibility which has now been taken away...

guess with everything that happens to us it's an opportunity to learn and to take stock - yep, well i've done that! and i think actually that it will make me focus more on who i want to be and what i want to be doing, so it might just be ok...

there is no better biscuit than the

tim tam...

i love biscuits - i always have! even as a kid i used to love it when mum bought biscuits - sometimes she even used to make biscuits...

in england (before we moved here) i used to favour the penguin biscuit - they are uncannily similar to the tim tam!

and now, well seriously, the tim tam is the ultimate biscuit - especially when the packet has been in the fridge, and especially when you are having a bad day, and with a cup of tea, and when they are on special at coles (even tho i usually shop at woolworths)...actually they are pretty damn good any old time!

long may the tim tam grace the shelves of the biscuit aisle...

current addictions...

picked this up from a blog i read occasionally - if you wanna do it here are the rules:

title your post 'current addictions'
list at least 5 current addictions
mention the person who got you onto it
tag two others

1) books
what more needs to be said, really? i've posted about this addiction before....but today (having had some very bad news) i took myself off for some retail therapy (haven't done that in ages) and once i'd given target the once over (and i mean once over - left there with 4 bags of stuff, mainly xmas presents for other people, but still, retail therapy...) i took the bags to the car, came back in and went to dymocks! i was actually looking for just one book (by an author who's first book i loved) but they didn't have it - however what i found was that people who work in book stores usually have an interest in books, and these 3 particular sales people (yep, it wasn't very busy so i had most of the staff to myself) loved books, and before you know it, i've walked out of there with not one book but six!

2) catch of the day
and i'm not talking about fish! this is something the young grads at work have got me onto - it's a website that everyday at midday has a 'catch of the day' - generally a product that's kinda cool and usually massively discounted...sorry to say it, but having only been registered on there for about 10 days, i have made 5 purchases! yep, i'm addicted...

3) tea
and who wouldn't be? seriously? i love my tea and moreso since ben and i started going out coz he loves it too, and more often than not, he makes it for me! so i now not only love the actual tea itself, but the ritual (actually, always did, but it's way nicer to share it with someone special)...right now we're drinking T2 Daintree tea (as the name suggests grown here in the australian daintree forest - low tanin and low caffeine)...

4) cricket
and of course i'm always addicted to cricket, but it's summer so now my addiction at least is being fed! enjoyed the tour of india (well done to them) and now it's nice to have the cricket broadcast on free to air tv during daylight hours....and of course now it's on Channel 9 i can enjoy my cricket with commentary from my favourite commentator, who other than richie benaud...

5) love...
i've always believed that true love might not find me...how wrong i was! the feeling of love that two people can create is addictive and i'm thrilled ben found me

to nicole (aka nicole in london) thanks! enjoyed your meme...good to see you writing again!

laurel and mjb - if either of you read this (as my most loyal readers!) then i'm tagging you!

sar
x

thought i was getting better

turns out maybe i'm not...

the pain woke me up at midnight and 3am this morning and at 3am i just sobbed on ben...

i'm beginning to wonder if i'm ever gonna feel good again

it's tiring, it's draining, i'm over it, i don't wanna live my life like this

please let them work out what's wrong with me and soon

incensed...

was the only word i could come up with to describe how i felt after reading an article about michelle obama..

it was almost entirely dedicated to her size, her shape and her dress sense - a throw away line at the end about her being a lawyer and mother!

it's no wonder there are loads of people who think journalist's are vultures who prey on defenceless creatures...

what fucking difference does it make what size or shape this woman is - who cares?

is it any wonder that between the talk of her physical being and all the money spent on trying to make Sarah Palin something she's not during the run up to the election, young girls (and even young men) are obsessed with how they look?

find something interesting to report, please....

i'm sick...

not really much else to say really...

been going on for a little over a week (but turns out some other things that were happening about a month ago a all related)...

seeing specialist on wednesday, hoping he can fix me

i'm over being sick - feels like a long time since i felt 100% - maybe it's time to rethink just how well i am suited to corporate life.....

the race that stops a nation...

definitely made me stop today...coz for the first time ever i picked the trifecta! sadly i only put 50c on it, and even more sadly i didn't back the first four (all 4 were in my trifecta bet) but i still came away with a little over $10,000...

yep, you read it correctly $10,000 - insane amount of money and surely the best return i'll ever get for a $30 investment??

not only that, every where ben and i went, we got a parking space...

so i was feeling sooooo lucky i bought an extra lotto ticket - won't know til tomorrow if we were lucky there too...

thank you universe...

did you know that it's only 52 sleeps until xmas...

and you are wondering how the fuck i know this???

well i called my sister today, to talk to my nephew, but she answers first...she asks me how i am (see i had an IUD put in friday) and i say ok - bar some minor discomfort on the weekend all good - in the background my nephew is asking her what we are talking about - she replies 'secret women's business'...so a few minutes later when i am ready to talk to him he says "i don't want to talk about aunty's vagina"...funny kid that one!

so we get talking about secrets and the reason i called was to ask him what colour mp3/ipod he wants - i give him the colours it comes in and he tells me what his preference is - of course i do all this without actually telling him what i am getting him...despite his constant pestering...

so then i tell him a secret: i tell him that for xmas i am buying his grandmother (my mum) a suitcase...he says he doesn't think she will like that but agrees to keep it a secret anyway...so then i tell both my mum and dad i've told him this 'secret' and they are to let me know if he tells them

now i'm not a betting woman (well not usually - tomorrow i will make an exception) but i would bet a stack of cash the little guy will not be able to keep this secret...we'll see!

so then we get back to his secret xmas present and he really wants to know when i will tell him - so i count the days to xmas on the calendar in my study as i'm chatting to him and finally say 'ok i'll tell you in 52 sleeps'...he groans

sooooo you see, that is how i know there are 52 sleeps until xmas

nite
x

i know, i know, i haven't posted

for a while...guess it's been an interesting sort of week!

work has FINALLY improved and i find myself being busier than i have been for months and one or two things i have to do are actually interesting!

things with ben are great - we have had the most wonderful few weeks - nothing in particular has sparked it - guess we are just really enjoying each other and our time together :-)

spoke to my gramps on tuesday night - made me kinda sad and that's probably the real reason i haven't blogged all week - my grandfather is getting kinda old - he was 97 earlier this year and whilst it's only been a little over a year since i saw him, he is going down hill fast - which of course, is to be expected, but i'm still sad...he's been a big and very positive influence on my life and i guess i realised on tuesday night (after a short chat with him - one where half way through one sentence he forgot what we were talking about) how much i will miss him when he does die...

some other sad news too this week - but it's not really my place to talk about it...

school good - am now 1/2 way through y 10th module - 140 hours of placement and 2 subjects to go and i'll be grad dip qualified!!! yippee...

and ben and i have started looking at houses again - we have decided upon north west rather than shire - altho shire not out of contention! so weekend after next (this weekend we're heading to canberra) we'll be heading out to pennant hills/beecroft...

au revoir for now