it's a bit of a stuggle right at the moment...

life that is! it's kinda funny really, i've always held the view that it's unlikely that the key areas of one's life are all going to be going swimmingly at the same time, but i was kinda hoping it wouldn't actually be true...

soooo work, well where will i start - you've seen a few of my posts about it, the person i support, my increasing disenfranchisement (is that a word?) with corporate life and just generally how i wish ben and i could win the lotto so i could make a hasty escape - so it's not even like i hate it but i'm just not passionate about it - you may well ask what 'it' is? well ultimately it's about making more money for shareholders - sure there are other things we actually do, but that's the objective really - oh and to do it with 'corporate responsibility'.......and it all seems good when you are in your 20's and earning loads of cash, but as you reach a stage in life where you crave meaning, it's shallow and frankly, not fulfilling...


then there's my health, which given i have arguably had the best six months (in relationship terms) for as long as i can remember and consequently would expect that to provide some natural immunity, i seem to have been nowhere near 100% for most of it - and frankly, i'm over it! i'm absolutely buggered most of the time, trying to find time to exercise - and in fact time isn't the issue, it's inclination....today when my alarm went off at 7am it was all i could do to drag myself to the study to make the call to work - and i went to bed at 8.45pm - so not like it was a late night or anything....

school this term (altho i finished last week and have 3 weeks off, yippee) was hard going - counselling in loss - all about death and grief and loss - enough to make you really sad and it actually did, make me sad that is! i found myself thinking about all of the losses in my life during that time and even losses i didn't realise i saw as losses - so in addition to reminding me of losses i knew i'd experienced it also brought up things i hadn't previously seen as a loss - fabulous!!!

thing with ben are good - actually, that part of my life is going really well which i am really happy about...would be great if my health were better and i am doing the right things in an attempt to get that happening, so then of course i start wondering if in fact my general malaise is more a function of my mental state - my ambivalence about work, a sense of being trapped there until it's financially viable to walk away, about doing something every day that frankly is NOT contributing to the greater good of mankind...

anyway, i digress! things with ben are great - we celebrated 6 months together yesterday - we marked it with a walk up and down balmoral beach (one of our favourite spots) with a cup of tea and then dinner at my local mexican restaurant - it was nice :-)

so i'm now going to practice something i preach: gratefulness! so three things i am grateful are today are:
- ben: he really is my sunshine;
- my big sister laurel, even tho she lives in perth and likes roger federer....; and
- my dreams (even when things aren't looking so good, we still have our dreams to guide us)

xox