closure...

is an interesting term and means different things to different people and honestly, until i started studying to be a therapist, i didn't have any real idea of where the term came from or it's origins...

well! turns out it came out of gestalt therapy - a type of therapy that deals in the here and now (ie not focussed on the past as traditional forms of psychotherapy were) and still acknowledges that there might be things in the past that are not yet put to bed (actually, gestalt therapists would say that not every aspect of oneself was integrated nor whole but we'll stick with more day to day english)...and voila we have the concept of closure...

even more interestingly was that even before i knew this concept existed, i had long held a desire for things in my own life not to be left open - for them to be closed, as it were! and no more so than yesterday...

as you know the weekend was not the best (and i'm not gonna re-hash it all - if you wanna read it, then do so!) and despite a reconciliation on sunday afternoon and a good 24 - 36 hours thereafter, i found myself bogged down in self talk, self recriminations, guilt (amazingly - i'm NOT catholic as my dad chose to point out to me) and frankly an overwhelming dose of fear...

it seemed there was very little, despite the obvious distraction of work, which did not really work, to get my mind to quieten down - this is something i have worked on a lot both myself and with the help of my therapist in the last 3 years - and i'm pleased to say, mostly with an enormous amount of success...

but pretty much NOTHING bar getting some closure (and a healthy amount of re-assurance) was gonna work yesterday, no matter how hard i tried, and man did i try...

so as i walked home lastnight the competing voices in my head doing overtime (one telling me that no matter what i had to put on a brave face and not be sad and the other telling me that i had to be authentic no matter what the consequences) it occurred to me that maybe, just maybe, instead of trying to solve it all in my head, i could simply ask for some help...

and this help turned out to be closure - a desire to accept what had happened and move on, or in this case move back - back to that wonderful place of the last 5 months...

so you see it's true - some stories do have happy endings...