the lotto? seriously, why can't we? i had to go back to work
today after a week off (yep, only a week and even that made it REALLY hard) and
i spent most of the day, when i wasn't actually doing what they pay me to do,
wondering just how many more days i really do have to turn up and tolerate the
ride they call 'corporate life'...
seriously? why do some people take everything so fucking seriously? why do they react like someone died, when something that by tomorrow will be less than inconsequential (actually, to me it was inconsequential today, but herein lies one of my problems with corporate life and the facade one needs to wear in order to survive...)
so ben's alarm went off at 6 am (and no, not for me obviously - i NEVER get up at 6am) i put in my ear plugs, pulled the doona back over my head and attempted to get a wee bit more sleep until i knew my alarm would go off around 7am and even as i dragged my self out of bed to make tea (yep, you read it correctly - today i had to make my own tea...altho i will tell you, that i was offered a cuppa at 6am, but declined in favour of more sleep) and head to the shower, i was starting to think about how i could make some quick money so i could turn my back on it all...
i wonder if this is the effect that all holidays have? on everybody? or is it just me? am i just an ungrateful cow who should be happy with her lot in life, even if that 'lot' includes putting myself onto the corporate prostitution treadmill every day for the forseeable future (read: until the mortgage is no more)? or is there something else going on?
see since i met ben other things, actually mainly work, have kinda lost their shine...and i can sort of understand that...see i waited a LONG time to meet someone like him and i kinda thought it might never happen, so imagine my surprise when my 'mr perfect for me' turns up...
but i think it's more than that...see ben, like me, wants to help people - i'm training to be a therapist and he too, is going to undertake study in a 'helping profession' so maybe just maybe, having met someone who shares my passion for people and helping them, is making the corporate treadmill appear dull, and frankly unappealing???
and it gets me wondering about what i might be feeling if ben hadn't come along (and that is NOT something i really want to contemplate!) and wondering if my level of discontent would be as it is today? or whether it might have taken a bit longer for the polish to have come off my 'new career' - see that's the funny thing - it's not even like i've been doing the job i'm doing now for my entire working life! it's only been six months, and it's what i asked for so i guess me questioning what's going on is a public admission of my feelings of guilt - and not because i don't think i'm doing a good job (i am, but i know i could be doing better) and not because i don't enjoy it whilst i'm there (i do, altho there are elements of frustration that are starting to creep into a key working relationship that i had kinda hoped would continue in it's honeymoon phase - who was i kidding?) - it's just that now not only do i know what i want to be when i grow up, find myself 3/4 of the way thru a course that would technically allow me to hang out a shingle and start 'counselling', but now i am with someone who not only understands this but is really supportive...
sooo even though i sound ungrateful and dissatisfied, i'm really not - i guess i just feel that i've waited so long to get this far - i just want to get there a little quicker!
but as you know i kinda like to end things on a more positive note so here it is: i am grateful for having had a week off, for having had a wonderful holiday (our first) with ben, for a gloriously sunny few days at the coast (see photo from our beach holiday….later removed to protect my identity!) where i stand right now - something happened today that made me remember just how fortunate i am...
nite
seriously? why do some people take everything so fucking seriously? why do they react like someone died, when something that by tomorrow will be less than inconsequential (actually, to me it was inconsequential today, but herein lies one of my problems with corporate life and the facade one needs to wear in order to survive...)
so ben's alarm went off at 6 am (and no, not for me obviously - i NEVER get up at 6am) i put in my ear plugs, pulled the doona back over my head and attempted to get a wee bit more sleep until i knew my alarm would go off around 7am and even as i dragged my self out of bed to make tea (yep, you read it correctly - today i had to make my own tea...altho i will tell you, that i was offered a cuppa at 6am, but declined in favour of more sleep) and head to the shower, i was starting to think about how i could make some quick money so i could turn my back on it all...
i wonder if this is the effect that all holidays have? on everybody? or is it just me? am i just an ungrateful cow who should be happy with her lot in life, even if that 'lot' includes putting myself onto the corporate prostitution treadmill every day for the forseeable future (read: until the mortgage is no more)? or is there something else going on?
see since i met ben other things, actually mainly work, have kinda lost their shine...and i can sort of understand that...see i waited a LONG time to meet someone like him and i kinda thought it might never happen, so imagine my surprise when my 'mr perfect for me' turns up...
but i think it's more than that...see ben, like me, wants to help people - i'm training to be a therapist and he too, is going to undertake study in a 'helping profession' so maybe just maybe, having met someone who shares my passion for people and helping them, is making the corporate treadmill appear dull, and frankly unappealing???
and it gets me wondering about what i might be feeling if ben hadn't come along (and that is NOT something i really want to contemplate!) and wondering if my level of discontent would be as it is today? or whether it might have taken a bit longer for the polish to have come off my 'new career' - see that's the funny thing - it's not even like i've been doing the job i'm doing now for my entire working life! it's only been six months, and it's what i asked for so i guess me questioning what's going on is a public admission of my feelings of guilt - and not because i don't think i'm doing a good job (i am, but i know i could be doing better) and not because i don't enjoy it whilst i'm there (i do, altho there are elements of frustration that are starting to creep into a key working relationship that i had kinda hoped would continue in it's honeymoon phase - who was i kidding?) - it's just that now not only do i know what i want to be when i grow up, find myself 3/4 of the way thru a course that would technically allow me to hang out a shingle and start 'counselling', but now i am with someone who not only understands this but is really supportive...
sooo even though i sound ungrateful and dissatisfied, i'm really not - i guess i just feel that i've waited so long to get this far - i just want to get there a little quicker!
but as you know i kinda like to end things on a more positive note so here it is: i am grateful for having had a week off, for having had a wonderful holiday (our first) with ben, for a gloriously sunny few days at the coast (see photo from our beach holiday….later removed to protect my identity!) where i stand right now - something happened today that made me remember just how fortunate i am...
nite
xox
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