so what started out as an ordinary...

sunday absolutely did not end up being ordinary! and by ordinary i don't mean to imply that it wasn't good...no, what i mean is that when the day started, i guess i couldn't have anticipated some of what was going to unfold...

so you know i've been pre-occupied of late and that has had something of an impact on the time i would normally dedicate to study...this is nothing but a statement of fact and in no way an allocation of blame as i have willingly given in to the mental pre-occupation with a certain someone...what it means though is that yesterday morning (the morning i had chosen to video my counselling role play with a very close friend) i was feeling extremely unprepared! and i can tell you that unpreparedness is not a state of being that i like...

now i am not OCD (as someone has jokingly or otherwise pointed out to me of late), but i am a big fan of being prepared for things, for having put the requisite amount of time and effort into things - after all, i am the only one disappointed when i don't meet my own expectations, albeit very high and sometimes ridiculously unachievable ones!!

actually that's complete and utter crap: the voice in my head (which sounds mysteriously like my mother telling me that i didn't do well enough) also tends to (uninvited) take up residence in my head at these times, which only serves to reinforce my own disappointment...

so anyway, i digress! i was unprepared (well by my standards anyway) and figured that the session (the aim of which was to demonstrate a certain counselling technique) would not actually go that well...also as i was 'counselling' a friend, i wasn't sure how comfortable it would be a) for her to be very open with me in that context and b) how i might cope if she did in fact get upset about anything...

so imagine my surprise when not only does the session go really well but i feel confident, empathic and i listen well, but she clearly gets some valuable insights from our short 25 minute session and tells me that it was really helpful...she also said she thinks i will make a great counsellor :-)

when i look back over the day the things that stand out most are this: what a wonderful friend kk is, how much she must trust me to have shared with me some of her 'stuff' (and whilst we are best friends and have shared much in our 5 year friendship, we have shared nothing in a counselling context before yesterday), how hard it was for me to sit by and watch her talk about some painful memories/experiences, how different friendship is to counselling, how privileged i felt at being allowed to share in some of her experiences...but the best things to come out of yesterday were an appreciation for having her in my life (thanks chic, i love ya) and the knowledge that i know that i am ABSOLUTELY on the right path...i have always admired people who gave up seemingly good paying sensible 'real' jobs to follow their dream. now i know why they do it!

the other conversation i had yesterday (this one with Ben) is also noteworthy - we were talking about something that had happened earlier in the day that wasn't particularly good for either of us, but as is our way rather than pretend it didn't happen, we actually talk about it - and what came up for me was this: that maybe just maybe the voice in your head never really goes away we just get better at not listening to it...can that be true? does it ever actually go away?