i've been sick...

and i am not liking it one little bit! guess it could be coz i've had a lot not only on my mind but on my plate of late, so i'm hoping once this weekend is out of the way (and not that i want to get it over and done with, but there are a few stressors in there!) i can just find some normality in my life again...that will involve eating better, getting back into an exercise routine, and hopefully kissing my seemingly permanent sinus headache goodbye...

see ben is meeting not only my parents this weekend when we go to canberra for my uncle's wife's 60th (and no, she's not my aunty!!!), but my aunt and uncle (the english ones who are staying tomorrow night and fri night in sydney with me), i'm meeting his parents saturday on the way down there - so it's a big weekend of 'meeting the parents' and it's a little anxiety provoking...not that i think they won't like him (how could they not) but i'm just having some 'oh fuck' moments! it's been a LONG time since i liked anyone enough to take them home, i think that they will have in their head some picture of who they expect me to be with (except my dad, who will be happy as long as i am - and i am!) and it might not look like ben (maybe i'll be wrong, maybe this is just something i've made up...either way i'm a little anxious...

see my mum is kinda acting like she's in denial that i have a boyfriend and i guess i'm not taking that too well...it's a bit too deep and right now, close to the bone to post about, but i'm kinda hurt that she isn't appearing (at least from where i'm sitting) to be taking too much of an interest and i kinda hoped/thought that after MANY years of singledom she might actually be happy that i've met someone - and not just someone, but someone i really like and makes me really happy...

anyway, guess i'll be doing plenty of deep breathing (if that doesn't work there's always vodka...), trying to remember who i am and what's important to me, attempting no projection of my fears whatsoever (re a previous post, we know how dangerous that can be) and just be myself...which right now is the HAPPIEST i have ever been...