feeling ok about what i wrote yesterday and realised something else - even if he isn't feeling the same way as me or it doesn't get reciprocated, it's still how i feel and i don't have to pretend it's not real...that in itself is somewhat freeing...
it's been an interesting day - at work there were moments of euphoria and fulfillment coupled with moments of frustration and feeling as though i was being torn every which way - guess that's all in a day's work sometimes, but man i'm tired! i am glad that from 2pm tomorrow, for 5 whole days my time will be my own...i love my job, i love helping people and i love what i'm learning, but there are still some people who just don't get what integrity is and what it is to be humane...
i wonder if the disappointment will ever become something i get used to - then again, why the fuck would i want to get used to people not doing what they say they are going to do or turning situations around to make something that should have been simple, complicated and messy, and in turn hurting people? surely it would be better to either a) try and change it or b) consider not putting up with it at all...
makes me wonder if somewhere (and in some cases deeply buried and bloody hard to find!) we have a button, you know, kinda like a light switch and it doesn't turn a light physically, but metaphorically it turns the light onto someone's lack of self awareness, you know, highlights to them that they aren't demonstrating any, and effectively activates it - now wouldn't that be something??
mmm think we call that wishful thinking! and whilst i'm on the topic of wishful and thinking, i would much prefer to be thinking about the other wishes that are a wee bit closer to my heart...
nite
x
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