when will i learn, that with some people

honesty is just not the best policy.....

i can't even begin to describe the array of emotions i am experiencing today. words like sadness, disappointment, frustration and betrayal come close but don't seem to do justice to the melting pot of emotions that are getting close to bubbling over....oh that's right, they already have!

i'm beginning to wonder if it's me? if my expectations are too high? if they are unrealistic? am i too trusting? i guess the hardest thing to get my head around is that these things rarely happen in my personal life (must have become pretty good at attracting the sorts of friends who share my values!) but at work, in a place where one set of values is espoused, and yet, people seem to be rewarded and promoted for behaving in a way that is contrary to those values - how does that work? seriously, how does it?

this is the 2nd time i have found myself in this sort of a situation in the last 13 months and i am starting to question not only my judgement (and that in itself is a sad thing, and possibly my biggest area of concern) but whether i am actually cut out for corporate life? methinks perhaps not...

but alas, the corporate prostitution must continue until the intimate relationship i have with the CBA (in lay persons terms we would call that a mortgage) becomes much less intimate and/or i win the lotto and/or my share portfolio starts to provide me with an annual income of greater than the odd dividend cheque for $13.89...

so where to from here i hear you ask, and it's a good question and one i have been pondering since about 3.45pm (shortly after i got the bad news)...the answer right at the moment is that i'm not entirely sure! the good news is that i have a plan! the not so good news is that it's a long term plan which means for the forseeable future i will be where i am right now!

so i ask the universe to help me with a few things tomorrow:
- to remember that i've survived this before;
- to remember who i am and what i stand for;
- to remember that i simply cannot trust everyone; and
- to help me to behave with kindness, authenticity and grace

on a funnier note a girlfriend sent this to me and it made me laugh out loud:

THE WORLD'S SHORTEST FAIRY TALE!

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?' The girl said: 'NO!' And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing, camping, drank martinis, ate chocolate, always had a clean house, never had to cook, did whatever the hell she wanted, never argued, didn't get fat, traveled more, had many lovers, didn't save money, and had all the hot water to herself. She went to the theater, never watched sports, never wore friggin' lacy lingerie that went up her ass, had high self esteem, never cried or yelled, felt and looked fabulous in sweat pants and was pleasant all the time. The End.