why is it so hard to lose weight? this is a question i have asked myself many many times and i still don't have an answer, well at least not one i'm happy with...
how come some people seem to do nothing, eat what they like and still look fabulous? how is that fair? how come some people are effortlessly slim, look great in jeans and never seem to have a fat day???? and more to the point, how come i am not one of them!!!
note: this is not a mean reds kinda day, but i am frustrated with the effort required by me!
and I don't want to be skinny: firstly, i have no desire to give up everything i love eating (where would be the fun in that?), secondly, i don't want to lose all of the curves i have worked hard to love (yep apparently i'm a woman and i'm curvy - go figure!) and third, i do not want to have that emaciated look that evokes comments from passersby like 'when did she last have a meal' - i just want to be slim........slim enough to fit into my favourite Jigsaw size 12 navy blue $1,000 suit, slim enough to feel great in jeans and slim enough to be able to wear the entire wardrobe of colour coded blouses i had tailor made without fear that the buttons are going to pop because they are too tight!!!!! can it really be this hard??
i got to 'observe' an AA meeting on Friday (i am studying Alcohol and Other Drugs at school right now) and i realised, after listening to a few members tell their stories (thank you - i felt priveleged and humbled to be there) that perhaps giving up drinking isn't enough to recover (well maybe not for everybody) - that perhaps the alcohol addiction was simply filling a void inside of them and maybe just maybe, that food is kinda the same for me???
well of course that's a wee bit scary for me to think about, seriously, not to mention a little bit confronting. what void? i hear myself say defensively to anybody who suggests i might be filling my 'void' with biscuits, cakes and basically anything packed with sugar that tastes good in the moment, but then shortly after, leaves me feeling bloated and frankly unsatisfied........
now i'm not huge (i'm currently a size 14), i'm curvy and always will be, i don't need or even want to be a size 10, and just two weeks ago (before i started exercising and trying to eat more healthily) a guy told me i had "a great figure" so why is it i don't feel great in my jeans and now find myself trying really hard to eat well and exercise at least 4 times a week?????
i do this every year - this is kinda the sad part - every year after xmas and my birthday i give myself the 'ok, you're not on a diet, you're just going to live a more healthy lifestyle' pep talk......what crap! coz if that were true and it really were a lifestyle change, then surely i wouldn't be doing it every single year??
now the other frustrating thing is this: i'm a smart girl, i get that eating well and exercising regularly is good for me and i know this because i do it EVERY year and feel good when i do it, but there's always something which throws me off or makes the routine impossible for two or three days in a row, and as quickly as the 'lifestyle' becomes a routine, it isn't - it really is a slippery slope.....
so now i'm faced with yet again going through the same thing i go through every year, altho this year it's different - now i've worked out that maybe just maybe i'm filling my own void (fucking great!) so now, not only do i need to change my lifestyle blah blah blah, but now i also have to rid myself of the void that's making me eat in the first place!!! and i thought by writing about it would make me feel better - NOT!!
on a positive note, i have written my blog every day so i AM writing more :-)
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2 comments:
I am all for: you can never be too rich or too thin.
Forget looking healthy, I want to look like I have an eating disorder. I don't want to be a size 4, but nothing more than an 8 - A size that would be suitable for either America's Next Top Model, or auditions for the Pussycat Dolls.
i think it is quite irrelevant that the last time I was a size 8 was approximately 20yrs ago - why can't I have it? Other people get what they want!
Having said this however, I do truely believe that skinny/trim/healthy weight range/looking fabulous in your skinny jeans, really is personal thing.
I know I see a lot of other girls who, if I put my hand on my heart, are bigger than I am, and they are just beautiful. They have great hair, beautiful skin, a gorgeous smile etc etc. These girls are no where near a size 8, 10 or even 12, but they are beautiful. Guys think they are gorgeous.
Whether you are a 12 or 14, you have definately gotten to a stage where you are comfortable with your skin. This shows - on the outside. You are gorgeous. It may not be the 6'4" tanned spunk with rippling abs, and arms to die for that makes a sexy comment to you as you walk down the street, but remember, these guys generally fall into the "dumb" category. However, it is the attractive, intellegent, self aware males that notice the perfection in your individuality.
Having said all this, I know it is a hard sell, and I am personally still trying to buy it.
I don't know too many chicks who don't want to loose a couple of kilo's. It's a chick thing - I think we will always be like that.
if all else fails, watch the biggest loser. You will definately feel better about how you look in your jeans.
pissoir - you really need to try and leave brief comments, otherwise i will set you up a blog of your own :-)
sar
xxx
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