needed to be said...

or did it?

So yesterday I was chatting with the bloke at work, the one I thought I might have a crush on late last year, and it had been a WHILE since we’d had any sort of chat…in fact, we chatted for ages last night and I realised, after he’d left and I made my way home, that I had been very open, very honest and possibly a bit too much so…

Of course, I’m not sure I actually believe you can be too honest but following the serious conversation Monday and my level of paranoia (or otherwise, healthy skepticism), I felt maybe I’d said too much...when will i learn?

During the conversation, and as a preface to something he told me, he suggested we were ‘not talking about work’….so I guess he may well have been feeling as vulnerable as me

See this is the problem with being in senior management – it’s almost impossible to just be you all of the time, and this is one aspect of the job I really don’t like…in an otherwise dream job, this is a struggle, and sure, before this week I’ve thought about it, but the events of Monday have now painted everything in a different light…

Fuck

So i mentioned to him that i wanted to have a chat and when we did chat, this morning, it went a lot more smoothly than i anticipated...historically i guess i would have been worrying that i didn't trust him, worrying what he thought about me, but today, i just felt it was something i needed to do - to make it clear to him that i wanted to be able to talk to him and that it was important i could trust him, and likewise he could trust me...went ok i think...even if it didn't i felt better and that has me wondering about whether it even needed to be said, but hey, i did...of course, he is someone i feel as though i can trust, but sadly, one can never be sure about these things...

i've been wrong before, admittedly not often, because i'm too trusting and at times a little naive, and this is someone who has worked in this place a long time, knows a lot of people and some of them I don’t trust…so I guess I’ve been vulnerable, and only time will tell whether that’s been wise or not…

and as to the other matter, well who knows about that?