but i find myself in the midst of a funk...certain it's not permanent (they never are right?) but it has been an unwelcome surprise in an otherwise good coupla weeks...
although truth be told, a coupla big things have happened and maybe this is just the catch up...you know what i mean right? you just keep going and going and eventually there's a big fall (not that i'm a negative person, on the contrary actually, but if you push yourself hard enough, eventually there is a coming down from the high that you were on...natural part of life i guess)...
but this coming down, well it don't feel so good! of course November was a mad busy month and one where i had very little down time (due to my successful venture into the realms of NaNoWriMo...) and a fair bit happened, not the least of which was being dumped by the psychotic former friend who came back but is now, yet again, in the former friend heap where she belongs...and sure, it's ended up just how i would like it, but i have some unresolved stuff around all that - stuff i want to say to her, which of course i won't...but stuff, that if i'm honest, is building into anger (not good, i know i know)
and then of course there is the big project at work (which until today was something of a secret, and i say something, because it seems there were a LOT of people who knew about this so called secret!) which has been dominating the attention of so many, even though there are plenty of other key things going on...so i guess whilst i'm not feeling left out, i feel as though perhaps the work me and a handful of other people are doing will go largely unnoticed, but if it fucked up, then of course, it would be a big deal...and this is one of the things about corporate life i have always found hard to deal with...
added to that some of my peers who have been v focused on the secret project, so much so that in recent weeks my emails about my project have gone unread, but when i asked them to discuss with me their expectations about things which impacted their wallets, they managed to find time not just to email me quickly but in some cases, to drop in and make it a priority...
so yep, i'm in a funk and it feels crappy...i am consoling myself with food (this is never a good thing for me to do) and am starting to find just being with this group of people exhausting - seems my usual ebullient self has taken a holiday....
and yep, i'm lonely! writing a book which has a large element of romance and sex and intimacy is making me think about where those things are in my life, and the honest answer is, they are nowhere...sure, it took me a long while to move on from my relationship with ben, meaning i didn't want to focus on meeting someone else, but now i just feel lonely and wish i had someone special to cuddle up to and share my life with....
so yep, there you have it! i'm in a funk, i have no idea when it started, i have no idea when it will end...but i do know that it will....eventually!
that's all from me!
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