Being Erica...

funny how a show can seem to mirror what's going on in your own life, or is it more that when we are feeling something acutely, we look for similarities?

either way, i just Love Being Erica...sister bought my Season 3 for Xmas (thanks sis)....

must say the start was a bit jarring, couldn't really see why she needed to do group but of course the therapist in me can see why, and it even got me wondering if i should also 'do group'??

a question for me to ponder methinks...i thought seriously about going to group after Chris showed up and as i struggle through the mire that is the christmas loneliness (i totally get why so many people attempt suicide at this time of the year...it can be bloody lonely) and the inevitable reflection that comes with New Year, my birthday and then 26th Jan (although I feel good about where things with Ben ended up now)....i wonder if these feelings are just related to the time of year, or whether they go way deeper than that, and ordinarily i have structured my life to be so busy and full that i have little or no time for reflection?

doesn't sound right does it? for an introvert, to have organised her life so that there is no time for reflection...not true actually, usually weekends are very very quiet, by design, so no that's not true, and for most of this year (especially since i started work again) i have been happy...

mmmm so maybe it's a coupla things: break from work (maybe i'm missing it, or something about it), still going over that conversation with the boss in my head (groan...), just had 5 days with the fam and coming home, whilst lovely, always takes some adjusting to, period (yep, that NEVER helps (although there is increasing regularity in them again...?), too much time to think about the only thing i wish was different in my life....

the therapist in me is wondering if all of these things are contributing to me questioning my sense of self - perhaps i'm in the middle of an existential crisis? and like every other EC, it will pass...eventually, but for now, the best thing to do is sit in it, feel it, and resist the urge to move out of it...

which is what the 'reaching out' is all about, and yet funnily enough, i am possibly looking in the wrong place...never occurs to me to share these feelings with people i actually care about...nope, peripheral wannabe's....

something to think about!

and now, walk or write? big decision....!