i was sad so much with you, making myself sick that i wasn't enough, when really, you weren't enough...
so this is what i realised today...it was a beautiful day (for winter) - sunny, about 20 degrees and warm enough to go walking without a jumper....so i did! i walked up to my local shops to pick up a few provisions (not the least of which was some fruit bread by my organic non wheat bread maker...), had a good chat to the girl in the chemist, and realised as i was walking home that i was happy...and i don't mean deliriously happy, but happy that comes from knowing you are in just the right place in your life, right now anyway...
i felt a sense of happiness and contentment (that was until Carlton got belted by Collingwood, then it dissipated!)...and i realised that a lot of the time i was sad when i was with Ben (especially towards the end) i was sad because i didn't think i was enough or that i was good enough, but seriously, he wasn't enough and he didn't give me enough...
i didn't say that for a long time and that's coz i'm a loyal sort of a girl...i loved him deeply (despite things not working out with us) and i feel in some ways that talking about him and our relationship like this is a betrayal, but actually, it's just the truth....nothing more, nothing less...
sooo it's kind of a sad in a way to think i spent so much time feeling so sad with someone i loved so much, but who just couldn't give me in return what i so freely gave to him...and on the other hand, i felt an enormous sense of freedom today...truth is, in the end i just felt trapped and responsible, and let me tell you, that is just no way to live your life...
soooo now i'm living my life! yep, my life - and it's not grand or big or probably that important, but i am working towards what i have wanted for so long and am trying, one by one, with each of my clients, to help them live happier and more fulfilling lives...and in turn, that is helping me to do the same!
nite xxx
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Thursday, July 29, 2010
i had a reading today and it was
pretty amazing...it always blows me away when someone i have never met (so consequently, knows nothing about me) is able to channel people from my past and talk to me about things that she couldn't possibly have known...amazing! the spiritual world truly is an amazing place....
sooo the good stuff is that she was able to channel my grandfather, who's fine....he's with his mother, and he has with him the male child that would have been my brother (i understand my mother had a miscarriage between my sister and i), she told me that other than the last week he was alive he wasn't fuzzy in the head (his words) and that's true...between the stroke and when my father got there, he wasn't really with it....she told me a lot about him (which was all spot on), about his relationship with my grandmother, about the relationship he had with my father and the relationship between my father and my grandmother...blew me away, and made me cry...even though i know he's here spiritually, and he's always in my heart, some days i miss his physical being....
she sees heaps of good stuff for me and basically what she said confirmed a lot of what i'm already starting to experience and feel...
she's a really nice chic - great energy, very very very intuitive and clearly has a gift :-) really pleased i got to share in some of that....and she does other stuff like healing and crystal work so i've booked in for a 2 hour session in a couple of weeks!
she told me that i really would have an impact on the world, and that when i no longer fear my intution or doubt it, it's going to really help me move in the direction i want to be moving in....in my future she sees me doing work in a very unconventional way....she sees writing and teaching....
she told me so much but there's so much for me to take in and absorb and of course some of it is deeply personal so i'm not going to share it here...
suffice to say, it was great and i left feeling really positive about my future and a sense that i really am on the right path for me (this isn't the first time i've had this feeling)....
so, thank you universe and thank you bec, looking forward to many more sessions together :-)
sooo the good stuff is that she was able to channel my grandfather, who's fine....he's with his mother, and he has with him the male child that would have been my brother (i understand my mother had a miscarriage between my sister and i), she told me that other than the last week he was alive he wasn't fuzzy in the head (his words) and that's true...between the stroke and when my father got there, he wasn't really with it....she told me a lot about him (which was all spot on), about his relationship with my grandmother, about the relationship he had with my father and the relationship between my father and my grandmother...blew me away, and made me cry...even though i know he's here spiritually, and he's always in my heart, some days i miss his physical being....
she sees heaps of good stuff for me and basically what she said confirmed a lot of what i'm already starting to experience and feel...
she's a really nice chic - great energy, very very very intuitive and clearly has a gift :-) really pleased i got to share in some of that....and she does other stuff like healing and crystal work so i've booked in for a 2 hour session in a couple of weeks!
she told me that i really would have an impact on the world, and that when i no longer fear my intution or doubt it, it's going to really help me move in the direction i want to be moving in....in my future she sees me doing work in a very unconventional way....she sees writing and teaching....
she told me so much but there's so much for me to take in and absorb and of course some of it is deeply personal so i'm not going to share it here...
suffice to say, it was great and i left feeling really positive about my future and a sense that i really am on the right path for me (this isn't the first time i've had this feeling)....
so, thank you universe and thank you bec, looking forward to many more sessions together :-)
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
technologically i am WAY ahead...
of where i was this time last year!
so:
soooo now the only real question is do i upgrade to windows 2010 operating system and microsoft 7....since it's gonna set me back about $400, i think i'd rather hang onto that cash for now, and if the business does well this year, then i'll do it as a bonus!
so:
- i have a new mouse (this isn't exactly a giant leap for mankind, but a start...)
- i just invested in a portable drive with automatic backup software, so now i finally have a backup (i'm sure all of my clients and the tax man will be thrilled to hear this)....of course i didn't do it for them....basically my life's work (i.e. all of my writing) is on my computer, so now i no longer have to worry about it being lost!
- i have so many things on usb, i now have an external usb thing that allows me to plug 4 usb things into one, so i can (right now at least) have 7 usb devices in the computer at one time...is this too many?
- i have an iphone, and all of you know this was a big leap
- and i now also have a thing that sticks to the car window that the iphone can sit in so effectively i have hands free....only about 12 years too late, but hey, i have it now!
- i have skype - now admittedly i don't have the camera installed, but i do have one!
- oh and my mum will like this, i finally set up folders for my email and you know what? she was right, it is sooo much better when i'm trying to find something! (don't tell her that...)
soooo now the only real question is do i upgrade to windows 2010 operating system and microsoft 7....since it's gonna set me back about $400, i think i'd rather hang onto that cash for now, and if the business does well this year, then i'll do it as a bonus!
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
you've got mail....
this was the title of my last email to the german - and i haven't mentioned him too much as i don't really want to start thinking that there could actually be something going on...
firstly, he's german! and lives in germany!
secondly, he's married, and of course i have no idea if he is happily married, but i can only guess with some of the emails i am getting, maybe he's not....but i am drawing no concrete conclusions as i fear that may get me into trouble
but i have to confess, his emails are beautiful (despite english being his second language) and they make me smile, but lastnight as i read his latest instalment (titled 'we have a lot in common') i remembered a buddhist belief (he also favours a buddhist way of thinking about things....), namely that we cannot rely on external objects/things/events to bring us lasting happiness....
so does this mean the fleeting happiness of his emails, and how i feel when i see his name in my inbox, is not happiness? no, of course it is, but it's not lasting...
and i am really starting to believe that - see since late Jan i was attending (have been slack since returning home from my trip and haven't gone back yet) mediation classes and not only do you do meditations in class but you learn about buddhist philosophy and ideals - and they have been constantly trying to teach us that lasting happiness comes only from within...
well you know what? i think i am TRULY starting to get that! and don't get me wrong, this man, who's name i can't mention, is beautiful to me on so many levels that had he not been married, things might be very different....but then again, i am starting to see that his situation is really not going to have any lasting impact on my happiness....mmmm and as i'm typing that i am questioning if that is so....
soooo i'm going to crawl into bed and ponder on that and see what i come up with...
oh, and he recommended some Hermann Hesse poetry for me to read and upon searching and reading through quite a few, i found this, which i simply love:
How Heavy The Days by Hermann Hesse
How heavy the days are.
There's not a fire that can warm me,
Not a sun to laugh with me,
Everything bare,
Everything cold and merciless,
And even the beloved, clear
Stars look desolately down,
Since I learned in my heart that
Love can die.
firstly, he's german! and lives in germany!
secondly, he's married, and of course i have no idea if he is happily married, but i can only guess with some of the emails i am getting, maybe he's not....but i am drawing no concrete conclusions as i fear that may get me into trouble
but i have to confess, his emails are beautiful (despite english being his second language) and they make me smile, but lastnight as i read his latest instalment (titled 'we have a lot in common') i remembered a buddhist belief (he also favours a buddhist way of thinking about things....), namely that we cannot rely on external objects/things/events to bring us lasting happiness....
so does this mean the fleeting happiness of his emails, and how i feel when i see his name in my inbox, is not happiness? no, of course it is, but it's not lasting...
and i am really starting to believe that - see since late Jan i was attending (have been slack since returning home from my trip and haven't gone back yet) mediation classes and not only do you do meditations in class but you learn about buddhist philosophy and ideals - and they have been constantly trying to teach us that lasting happiness comes only from within...
well you know what? i think i am TRULY starting to get that! and don't get me wrong, this man, who's name i can't mention, is beautiful to me on so many levels that had he not been married, things might be very different....but then again, i am starting to see that his situation is really not going to have any lasting impact on my happiness....mmmm and as i'm typing that i am questioning if that is so....
soooo i'm going to crawl into bed and ponder on that and see what i come up with...
oh, and he recommended some Hermann Hesse poetry for me to read and upon searching and reading through quite a few, i found this, which i simply love:
How Heavy The Days by Hermann Hesse
How heavy the days are.
There's not a fire that can warm me,
Not a sun to laugh with me,
Everything bare,
Everything cold and merciless,
And even the beloved, clear
Stars look desolately down,
Since I learned in my heart that
Love can die.
so yesterday marked
six months since ben and i went our separate ways....amazing really! some days it feels like only yesterday but mostly it is beginning to feel like a long time ago....stupidly (well maybe that's a bit harsh) i found myself looking through some of our very early emails (i don't have the heart to delete them just yet - maybe never will) and of course that just made me feel sad...
but seriously, i am now at a point where i can talk about it and him without getting upset, i can see things clearly for what they are and i hold no hard feelings or grudges (other than the odd angry moment in the very early post breakup days i never really have) against or towards him, and honestly, i just want to know that he's ok and happy...
it does seem funny (or perhaps really i mean sad) though to think that you can spend nearly 2 years of your life with someone and eventually you don't even think about them on a daily basis, and i guess one day, i may never think about him at all.....can't really see that happening, but who knows what will unfold in life...
that is truly one of life's beauties - if you like the odd surprise, or don't like everything to be planned out down to every last detail!
so i guess there are many many positives about the last six months, and i'll try and relay them here:
soooo six months on, my life is pretty good - don't get me wrong, there are a few little aspects i'd like to look different, and in time, no doubt, they will...but overall i am good :-)
but seriously, i am now at a point where i can talk about it and him without getting upset, i can see things clearly for what they are and i hold no hard feelings or grudges (other than the odd angry moment in the very early post breakup days i never really have) against or towards him, and honestly, i just want to know that he's ok and happy...
it does seem funny (or perhaps really i mean sad) though to think that you can spend nearly 2 years of your life with someone and eventually you don't even think about them on a daily basis, and i guess one day, i may never think about him at all.....can't really see that happening, but who knows what will unfold in life...
that is truly one of life's beauties - if you like the odd surprise, or don't like everything to be planned out down to every last detail!
so i guess there are many many positives about the last six months, and i'll try and relay them here:
- firstly, obviously, is that i survived, and in fact, more than that, have prospered and really feel as though i have gotten to know myself and what i want a whole lot better
- the shock and sadness of those initial weeks and months has passed and what is has been replaced with is a calmness and contentment
- the loneliness of being lonely in relationship, quickly became just a lonely period and now that too is waning
- the sun still comes up, i still manage to breathe and life really does go on...for a little while i didn't believe that was possible and i never thought i would move forward....but i have...
soooo six months on, my life is pretty good - don't get me wrong, there are a few little aspects i'd like to look different, and in time, no doubt, they will...but overall i am good :-)
i have a new mouse...
and let me tell you, this is good news! i have suffered with a ridiculously old mouse for FAR too long now...my neighbours must be pretty happy too as even though the new zen like me is usually pretty calm, when i'm trying to work and the bloody mouse works against rather than with me i have a tendency to bang it repeatedly on the desk - which surprisingly, actually seems to make it work better (but only temporarily)...
what's really happening is that probably all the bits inside of it (this is my level of technical understanding of what is in a mouse) are probably just slowly being detached from each other....and i wonder why it doesn't work so well!
and whislt we are talking about mice, when i was having coffee with a client today i saw a RAT in their courtyard - i'm so relieved i don't go there very often (in fact, probably won't ever go again) and am relieved i chose not to have anything to eat there...
so i guess it's a mouse/rat sort of day all around!
what's really happening is that probably all the bits inside of it (this is my level of technical understanding of what is in a mouse) are probably just slowly being detached from each other....and i wonder why it doesn't work so well!
and whislt we are talking about mice, when i was having coffee with a client today i saw a RAT in their courtyard - i'm so relieved i don't go there very often (in fact, probably won't ever go again) and am relieved i chose not to have anything to eat there...
so i guess it's a mouse/rat sort of day all around!
Saturday, July 24, 2010
so i've given up nurofen....
and seriously, this is a BIG achievement! you will see my posts recently about headaches and my frequency of needing pain relief that resulted in me referring to nurofen as smarties - it got so bad, i ended up taking the nurofen plus (all bad, as the codeine is just not a good thing to be taking on a regular basis..)...
so anyway, sometime in the middle of my 'smartie frenzy' i see the doctor, who knows I have both stomach issues and asthma and shes tells me to switch to panadol - of course i should have done this years ago (i worked in a chemist for god's sake, so not like i didn't now this myself, but never seemed to irritate my asthma) but i can be stubborn sometimes (and no comments on this will be published from my friends, even if you bother to write one!!!)...
so it's been well over 2 weeks since i took a nurofen and well over a week since i took any pain medication at all....amazing really! i think that a large part of the headache was hormonal and stress, leading to other issues, and now, thankfully, all the issues seem to be dissipating...
guess my meeting last week where i found the courage to be truly honest about what i wanted has made a big difference - no more holding back for this little black duck!
ok, am now exhausted, having watched Carlton get over the Eagles (good win on the scoreboard, but a very bloody stressful win...) and penned a 'heartfelt' email to my gorgeous german man, i am now ready to crawl under the doona....
nite
xx
so anyway, sometime in the middle of my 'smartie frenzy' i see the doctor, who knows I have both stomach issues and asthma and shes tells me to switch to panadol - of course i should have done this years ago (i worked in a chemist for god's sake, so not like i didn't now this myself, but never seemed to irritate my asthma) but i can be stubborn sometimes (and no comments on this will be published from my friends, even if you bother to write one!!!)...
so it's been well over 2 weeks since i took a nurofen and well over a week since i took any pain medication at all....amazing really! i think that a large part of the headache was hormonal and stress, leading to other issues, and now, thankfully, all the issues seem to be dissipating...
guess my meeting last week where i found the courage to be truly honest about what i wanted has made a big difference - no more holding back for this little black duck!
ok, am now exhausted, having watched Carlton get over the Eagles (good win on the scoreboard, but a very bloody stressful win...) and penned a 'heartfelt' email to my gorgeous german man, i am now ready to crawl under the doona....
nite
xx
the new old sarah....
does that make any sense at all? probably not to you, but to me, it very much does...
see i've had a very difficult 15 months or so - you will know this if you've been reading....took a redundancy from my employer of nearly 7 years (voluntarily i might add) but then realised that my whole life (or most of it) i had defined myself through my work....lost my dear grandfather (admittedly he was nearly 98 so a great innings) and i miss him terribly...my relationship with ben started to unravel and it took me a long time to work out how to extract myself from it, see i loved him, and deeply....so then of course it got worse when we finally did break up and i had to re-invent myself!
so i went on a trip and you know what? it really was the BEST thing to do! aside from the hideously high credit card bill i have come back to, it was great....i had a ball - saw people i love, went to cities i love and generally had a great time...
and everyone keeps saying how good i look since i got back and asking me how i am - and how i am is this: the new old sarah...
and what does that mean? well it means that some of the stuff i have been working really hard to be has cemented and emerged, and some of the things about the old me that had gone, have made a comeback, sooooo the new old sarah is here, and hopefully here to stay :-)
see i've had a very difficult 15 months or so - you will know this if you've been reading....took a redundancy from my employer of nearly 7 years (voluntarily i might add) but then realised that my whole life (or most of it) i had defined myself through my work....lost my dear grandfather (admittedly he was nearly 98 so a great innings) and i miss him terribly...my relationship with ben started to unravel and it took me a long time to work out how to extract myself from it, see i loved him, and deeply....so then of course it got worse when we finally did break up and i had to re-invent myself!
so i went on a trip and you know what? it really was the BEST thing to do! aside from the hideously high credit card bill i have come back to, it was great....i had a ball - saw people i love, went to cities i love and generally had a great time...
and everyone keeps saying how good i look since i got back and asking me how i am - and how i am is this: the new old sarah...
and what does that mean? well it means that some of the stuff i have been working really hard to be has cemented and emerged, and some of the things about the old me that had gone, have made a comeback, sooooo the new old sarah is here, and hopefully here to stay :-)
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
if you even believe in the concept of soul mates....
do you think it's possible that you could meet your soul mate at a conference, half a world away from where you live, that he could be married with two children, and live in a country you've never had much interest in???
do you think it's possible? seriously?
soooo you know i met a guy at the conference in paris - a german guy no less - a married guy no less (and i have no idea whether he is happily married - this seems to be the question that ALL of my girlfriends have asked me upon being told i met someone whilst travelling).....
so now we are exhanging emails, which in itself is pretty amazing coz english is not his first language....we are exchanging emails, and his last email, which arrived on friday, was seriously lovely - the sort of email that you don't get every day, the sort of email that makes you wish he was a) unmarried and b) living in Australia....not to mention, there is a small part of you that wishes that you had kissed him, properly....
but of course he's married, and he lives a LONG way from here....
sooooo to you my german friend (that's how i'm referring to him, for now anyway...), thank you!
thank you for making me feel attractive again, for making me believe that when i am ready the right man will come along for me, for making me believe that i will find someone attractive again, and for your beautiful emails....long may they continue :-)
do you think it's possible? seriously?
soooo you know i met a guy at the conference in paris - a german guy no less - a married guy no less (and i have no idea whether he is happily married - this seems to be the question that ALL of my girlfriends have asked me upon being told i met someone whilst travelling).....
so now we are exhanging emails, which in itself is pretty amazing coz english is not his first language....we are exchanging emails, and his last email, which arrived on friday, was seriously lovely - the sort of email that you don't get every day, the sort of email that makes you wish he was a) unmarried and b) living in Australia....not to mention, there is a small part of you that wishes that you had kissed him, properly....
but of course he's married, and he lives a LONG way from here....
sooooo to you my german friend (that's how i'm referring to him, for now anyway...), thank you!
thank you for making me feel attractive again, for making me believe that when i am ready the right man will come along for me, for making me believe that i will find someone attractive again, and for your beautiful emails....long may they continue :-)
i did mention that i LOVE Eli Stone right???
maybe i didn't, i can't remember, anyway, I love Eli Stone...
yep, and i know he's a character in a tv show, and he's probably not real but it serves me well to think that people like him really do exist - you know, the people that really do try to make the world a better place....
so i only started watching it a couple of weeks before i went away and now i'm devastated to find that they only made 2 seasons of this show - guess shows about people who do good, aren't as popular as people who cheat on their wives, fat people who lose a lot of weight, people who want to work for donald trump, or people who think they can sing....
seriously, how sad is that? and i know of course that most of the aforementioned shows are in fact so called 'reality' shows, but that doesn't make the people on them any more real than Eli Stone...
so anyway, i watch it because it restores my faith in mankind, because he has some of the values that i wish more people would live by, and because it makes me feel good...
enough said!
yep, and i know he's a character in a tv show, and he's probably not real but it serves me well to think that people like him really do exist - you know, the people that really do try to make the world a better place....
so i only started watching it a couple of weeks before i went away and now i'm devastated to find that they only made 2 seasons of this show - guess shows about people who do good, aren't as popular as people who cheat on their wives, fat people who lose a lot of weight, people who want to work for donald trump, or people who think they can sing....
seriously, how sad is that? and i know of course that most of the aforementioned shows are in fact so called 'reality' shows, but that doesn't make the people on them any more real than Eli Stone...
so anyway, i watch it because it restores my faith in mankind, because he has some of the values that i wish more people would live by, and because it makes me feel good...
enough said!
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
who would have thought that being a Yankees fan
would be a deal clincher???
well not me, that's for sure, especially not here, in downtown Sydney, where baseball does not get the same level of attention that other sports do...
so imagine my surprise when i'm in a business meeting today (one where i think i'm just being introduced to the guy - not a real sales pitch - meaning i prepared nothing - no pitch, no presentation, no cv, nothing...) and the conversation turns to my recent trip which included new york and a trip to the newly built yankee stadium...
so honestly, i doubt my love of the yankees really has anything to do with it, but it was just one more thing me and this guy had in common...turns out we even have the same sport apps on our iphones - how sad is that??
so the good news is that following my very honest and real chat with him, and me answering his questions (he had loads of them!), he asked me if i would prepare a proposal for him....
imagine how chuffed i am....very!
well not me, that's for sure, especially not here, in downtown Sydney, where baseball does not get the same level of attention that other sports do...
so imagine my surprise when i'm in a business meeting today (one where i think i'm just being introduced to the guy - not a real sales pitch - meaning i prepared nothing - no pitch, no presentation, no cv, nothing...) and the conversation turns to my recent trip which included new york and a trip to the newly built yankee stadium...
so honestly, i doubt my love of the yankees really has anything to do with it, but it was just one more thing me and this guy had in common...turns out we even have the same sport apps on our iphones - how sad is that??
so the good news is that following my very honest and real chat with him, and me answering his questions (he had loads of them!), he asked me if i would prepare a proposal for him....
imagine how chuffed i am....very!
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
my new toy...
so you know i recently got an i phone? well you know then that the real reason was that it was cheaper than the old phone i had with telstra, who i am THRILLED to be gone from!
soooo the i phone - it's so cute i'm seriously considering giving it a name! no seriously, do you have one? do you understand just how important this little thing has become to me in less than 10 days?
so when i first got it, i was excited by the fact that i could get emails whilst not at home (yep, i'm a simple girl - we always knew this), that when i get around to it i can synchronise my outlook calendar with it (haven't gotten to that yet) and that i could check the weather (there's a dedicated button for this) any old time and get a 7 day forecast for Canberra, Sydney and Melbourne....
so of course it wasn't until i visited with one of my best friends who also recently got one (and this surprises me coz she hardly ever turns hers on, let alone answers it...) was showing me all the applications she got! so turns out by becoming a member of itunes, you can get all this other stuff, some free, some not, so of course a few days ago when i had nothing better to do i spent literally HOURS trawling through all the free stuff that one can get, so if this doesn't interest you, i'd stop reading now, coz i am gonna list every application i have on my i phone for your entertainment (only the ones that aren't standard):
- internet banking for CBA and WBC (very cool)
- ASX (gotta love this - as I have a tendency to want to check the WBC share price every 2 minutes)
- Transit Sydney (this is amazing and gives me up to date train information)
- linkedin
- skype (apparently i can use skype on this thing - mental note to try that out...)
- ps mobile (photoshop for mobiles - love it - just need to take some photos to photo shop!)
- rugby live (NRL stuff)
- footy live (AFL stuff)
- Blues (loved this until Sunday when I was seriously not a happer Blues fan)
- MLB live (major league baseball for those of you who don't know...and i'm a yankees fan!)
- movies one tap (this is way cool)
- XE currency exchange (always need to know how the rupee is doing right?)
- Aus postcodes (this is good, very useful!)
- free wi-fi (if I actually knew what this was and how to use it properly I could actually be dangerous)
- ebay (doesn't everyone have this?)
- silver service cabs (in case i'm ever so drunk i can't remember their number or find it in my contacts)
- wallpaper (and just because i can and it's free, i seem to feel the need to change my wallpaper about every 2 to 3 days...)
so the stuff i don't need is youtube - seriously i NEVER watch it - but turns out you can't (well I can't) delete the standard applications...
soooo i really do love my new toy - and my 'excuse' for getting it was that 'i run a business so need to have access to my emails etc whilst on the run' - what complete and utter crap that is - i just like it coz i can do lots of stuff on it, anytime i want, anywhere i want...
so if you don't already have one and you have the shits with your current provider and are almost out of contract, then i highly recommend one as your next purchase....
soooo the i phone - it's so cute i'm seriously considering giving it a name! no seriously, do you have one? do you understand just how important this little thing has become to me in less than 10 days?
so when i first got it, i was excited by the fact that i could get emails whilst not at home (yep, i'm a simple girl - we always knew this), that when i get around to it i can synchronise my outlook calendar with it (haven't gotten to that yet) and that i could check the weather (there's a dedicated button for this) any old time and get a 7 day forecast for Canberra, Sydney and Melbourne....
so of course it wasn't until i visited with one of my best friends who also recently got one (and this surprises me coz she hardly ever turns hers on, let alone answers it...) was showing me all the applications she got! so turns out by becoming a member of itunes, you can get all this other stuff, some free, some not, so of course a few days ago when i had nothing better to do i spent literally HOURS trawling through all the free stuff that one can get, so if this doesn't interest you, i'd stop reading now, coz i am gonna list every application i have on my i phone for your entertainment (only the ones that aren't standard):
- internet banking for CBA and WBC (very cool)
- ASX (gotta love this - as I have a tendency to want to check the WBC share price every 2 minutes)
- Transit Sydney (this is amazing and gives me up to date train information)
- skype (apparently i can use skype on this thing - mental note to try that out...)
- ps mobile (photoshop for mobiles - love it - just need to take some photos to photo shop!)
- rugby live (NRL stuff)
- footy live (AFL stuff)
- Blues (loved this until Sunday when I was seriously not a happer Blues fan)
- MLB live (major league baseball for those of you who don't know...and i'm a yankees fan!)
- movies one tap (this is way cool)
- XE currency exchange (always need to know how the rupee is doing right?)
- Aus postcodes (this is good, very useful!)
- free wi-fi (if I actually knew what this was and how to use it properly I could actually be dangerous)
- ebay (doesn't everyone have this?)
- silver service cabs (in case i'm ever so drunk i can't remember their number or find it in my contacts)
- wallpaper (and just because i can and it's free, i seem to feel the need to change my wallpaper about every 2 to 3 days...)
so the stuff i don't need is youtube - seriously i NEVER watch it - but turns out you can't (well I can't) delete the standard applications...
soooo i really do love my new toy - and my 'excuse' for getting it was that 'i run a business so need to have access to my emails etc whilst on the run' - what complete and utter crap that is - i just like it coz i can do lots of stuff on it, anytime i want, anywhere i want...
so if you don't already have one and you have the shits with your current provider and are almost out of contract, then i highly recommend one as your next purchase....
so i'm a wee bit sad
tonight, and not overly so, but just a little bit...
see i had a meeting (let's go with that, even though it technically was not a meeting and not like any other meeting i've ever had) today, and the inevitable question about 'how are you coping emotionally since the breakup?' surfaced...
and you know what, honestly i am ok - i'm happy, i'm feeling free to pursue my dream and my interests and am putting myself at the top of the list these days, but when i was asked the question, my first response which was 'you know, i am doing ok' is true, but there is still an element of sadness there...
of course that might be because i observed to my friend that in fact my memories of my day to day life with ben are starting to fade, and in some ways, i guess that's a good thing, as there are some painful memories of our last few months together, and so perhaps, time is the great healer and in fact it does it's job by helping us to forget...
and this from someone with a photographic memory!
so i am sad, but not in a way that any of my readers/friends should be concerned...it's just part of the healing process....which i have to say, is actually going pretty well!
see i had a meeting (let's go with that, even though it technically was not a meeting and not like any other meeting i've ever had) today, and the inevitable question about 'how are you coping emotionally since the breakup?' surfaced...
and you know what, honestly i am ok - i'm happy, i'm feeling free to pursue my dream and my interests and am putting myself at the top of the list these days, but when i was asked the question, my first response which was 'you know, i am doing ok' is true, but there is still an element of sadness there...
of course that might be because i observed to my friend that in fact my memories of my day to day life with ben are starting to fade, and in some ways, i guess that's a good thing, as there are some painful memories of our last few months together, and so perhaps, time is the great healer and in fact it does it's job by helping us to forget...
and this from someone with a photographic memory!
so i am sad, but not in a way that any of my readers/friends should be concerned...it's just part of the healing process....which i have to say, is actually going pretty well!
Monday, July 12, 2010
so i go that 'job' i was
hoping i'd get! and it's not a job per se, but a consulting gig with a company, through a good colleague (who's fast becoming a friend)...
very excited! good and interesting work, good daily rate of pay and a good start financially as i look to build up the portfolio of things i offer through my business...
the intersting thing is that even though it was proposed to me that this work might only last 3 months (that's still great for me), when talking to the director on saturday she was telling me about 2 other big engagements they will be working on and my colleague also said that this particular job won't finish until end of 2011...yep, you read that right!
sooooo what that means, if i want it, is a reasonably regular and steady stream of income from consulting as i build up the other aspects of my business (namely, the ones i love more)....
thank you universe...
very excited! good and interesting work, good daily rate of pay and a good start financially as i look to build up the portfolio of things i offer through my business...
the intersting thing is that even though it was proposed to me that this work might only last 3 months (that's still great for me), when talking to the director on saturday she was telling me about 2 other big engagements they will be working on and my colleague also said that this particular job won't finish until end of 2011...yep, you read that right!
sooooo what that means, if i want it, is a reasonably regular and steady stream of income from consulting as i build up the other aspects of my business (namely, the ones i love more)....
thank you universe...
Sunday, July 11, 2010
bye bye telstra
it's true! i did it...i finally left telstra and in doing so got myself an i phone (more about just how much i love my i phone in another post), even though i swore i would never get one and yes i know, the girl who waits FOREVER to get new technology bit the bullet and got one...and you know the best thing about it?
the very best thing is now that other than foxtel, which i don't consider to be anything to do with telstra really, i no longer have any services with telstra....and that is just brilliant!
over the years i have paid them WAY too much money, for crap service and all because i was being loyal (having once worked there), but eventually what i realised is that they didn't value my loyalty....
so last year i moved my landline away from them, and now i have ditched their crappy mobile service - for nearly half the price per month (yes, i've had a number of calls with them about the disastrous phone plans they seem to have me on) i now have a much better plan and an i-phone!
so bye bye telstra, and frankly, good riddance....
the very best thing is now that other than foxtel, which i don't consider to be anything to do with telstra really, i no longer have any services with telstra....and that is just brilliant!
over the years i have paid them WAY too much money, for crap service and all because i was being loyal (having once worked there), but eventually what i realised is that they didn't value my loyalty....
so last year i moved my landline away from them, and now i have ditched their crappy mobile service - for nearly half the price per month (yes, i've had a number of calls with them about the disastrous phone plans they seem to have me on) i now have a much better plan and an i-phone!
so bye bye telstra, and frankly, good riddance....
Friday, July 9, 2010
date from hell....
perhaps not quite, but close! so here's what i wrote to my friend Emma by way of an update, after my 'date' with David (we met on Sunday online, emailed for a coupla days, he called Tuesday afternoon and suggested a drink that night which was actually good as I find that emailing them for ages invariably leads to disappointment upon actual meeting....):
Sooo the guy and I had some lovely emails then he sends back one today that was a complete turnaround in tone, and I send back a short one saying, what’s gotten into you – he calls, we have a bit of a laugh about it, then he asks me what I’m doing tonight – of course didn’t really want to go out (it being wet and cold and me still having this headache) but I went – figured meeting them earlier is always better than having heaps of nice emails and then meeting them in person and it being such a disappointment compared to the person you’ve built up in your head – so we meet – it’s ok but then he keeps banging on about his mental health issues – so he asks me twice if I want to have dinner with him and I say sure, then he really starts going on about this mental health thing and when I ask him what he means by mental health and if he defines himself by this mental health he gets a bit cagey and says ‘I don’t want to have to defend myself’ – this from the bloke who tells me he’ll answer me 100% honestly….
So then I start thinking about all the possible issues and the fact that he tells me he was seeing a girl who was seriously mentally ill (are you sensing a theme here) and that she still texts him all the time and that he was in love with her – so I ask him if he still is and he says ‘I’m not sure but she’s not the sort of person I want to be with – I want to try and be with someone who’s stable’ and I am thinking ‘what the fuck am I doing here here’…so I tell him I'm not sure I want to be his guinea pig and that I’m taking a raincheck on dinner and he basically gets up, says well good to meet you and leaves! (and here endeth my email to her...)
Hilarious! Well, positives are that the emails were lovely, well constructed emails (of course he is a trained journo and now a comms manager so you'd expect that) although in hindsight I recall they were very one way, which in fact, was just like his conversation - actually more like monologue as conversation implies that there is an exchange or dialogue...at one point he'd been talking for about 45 minutes, asked me if i was bored (i was but decided i didn't want to be hurtful by saying yes), then asked me my 'story' and as i started he interrupted me...when i picked him up on interrupting me, i sensed he didn't really like that!
Soooo that's essentially my last experience of dating - kinda makes my date with short guy look much better!
So, for now, at least, i'm just back to focussing on me, getting my room painted, getting my kitchen done, securing some work (fingers crossed a big thing is about to come off) and doing my thing!
Oh, and getting better - today has been a much better day, so hopefully that trend will continue...
Have a nice weekend everyone :-)
Sooo the guy and I had some lovely emails then he sends back one today that was a complete turnaround in tone, and I send back a short one saying, what’s gotten into you – he calls, we have a bit of a laugh about it, then he asks me what I’m doing tonight – of course didn’t really want to go out (it being wet and cold and me still having this headache) but I went – figured meeting them earlier is always better than having heaps of nice emails and then meeting them in person and it being such a disappointment compared to the person you’ve built up in your head – so we meet – it’s ok but then he keeps banging on about his mental health issues – so he asks me twice if I want to have dinner with him and I say sure, then he really starts going on about this mental health thing and when I ask him what he means by mental health and if he defines himself by this mental health he gets a bit cagey and says ‘I don’t want to have to defend myself’ – this from the bloke who tells me he’ll answer me 100% honestly….
So then I start thinking about all the possible issues and the fact that he tells me he was seeing a girl who was seriously mentally ill (are you sensing a theme here) and that she still texts him all the time and that he was in love with her – so I ask him if he still is and he says ‘I’m not sure but she’s not the sort of person I want to be with – I want to try and be with someone who’s stable’ and I am thinking ‘what the fuck am I doing here here’…so I tell him I'm not sure I want to be his guinea pig and that I’m taking a raincheck on dinner and he basically gets up, says well good to meet you and leaves! (and here endeth my email to her...)
Hilarious! Well, positives are that the emails were lovely, well constructed emails (of course he is a trained journo and now a comms manager so you'd expect that) although in hindsight I recall they were very one way, which in fact, was just like his conversation - actually more like monologue as conversation implies that there is an exchange or dialogue...at one point he'd been talking for about 45 minutes, asked me if i was bored (i was but decided i didn't want to be hurtful by saying yes), then asked me my 'story' and as i started he interrupted me...when i picked him up on interrupting me, i sensed he didn't really like that!
Soooo that's essentially my last experience of dating - kinda makes my date with short guy look much better!
So, for now, at least, i'm just back to focussing on me, getting my room painted, getting my kitchen done, securing some work (fingers crossed a big thing is about to come off) and doing my thing!
Oh, and getting better - today has been a much better day, so hopefully that trend will continue...
Have a nice weekend everyone :-)
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
it really is cold here...
so i knew coming back from usa/europe in late June would mean i would feel the cold, perhaps more than usual, but seriously, did it have to be the coldest winter on record for years???
it is really cold, and don't get me wrong, i'm not hating it and i have plenty of warm clothes, which i am happy to wear..
also, i'm not afraid of the layering concept, meaning i'm quite happy to wear as many layers as it takes to ensure i'm not cold, but i do have a small fear about leaving the house without enough of them!
i guess one thing i have noticed though (and this is probably a sign of my age) is that as i have gotten older, i don't seem to feel the cold quite as much...
meaning, i still feel it, but i don't hate it as much...guess i can see some positives about it, whereas when i was young i could find NOTHING good about it...guess i didn't have as many nice warm clothes then! and of course it's probaby a bit like sleep - the need for it seems to have diminished for me, which is the last few weeks is probably good as i am so not in anything resembling a 'sleep pattern'....
anyway, i'm about out the door to see a client, so until the next post....rug up everybody :-)
it is really cold, and don't get me wrong, i'm not hating it and i have plenty of warm clothes, which i am happy to wear..
also, i'm not afraid of the layering concept, meaning i'm quite happy to wear as many layers as it takes to ensure i'm not cold, but i do have a small fear about leaving the house without enough of them!
i guess one thing i have noticed though (and this is probably a sign of my age) is that as i have gotten older, i don't seem to feel the cold quite as much...
meaning, i still feel it, but i don't hate it as much...guess i can see some positives about it, whereas when i was young i could find NOTHING good about it...guess i didn't have as many nice warm clothes then! and of course it's probaby a bit like sleep - the need for it seems to have diminished for me, which is the last few weeks is probably good as i am so not in anything resembling a 'sleep pattern'....
anyway, i'm about out the door to see a client, so until the next post....rug up everybody :-)
Monday, July 5, 2010
oh and the worst thing of all
in the last six days was that my gorgeous little nephew broke his lower leg in 2 places on friday - his first time ever skiing - guess he probably won't come to love skiing...
sending you lots of love my mooks - and hope you enjoy the little care parcel that should arrive tomorrow
xxx
sending you lots of love my mooks - and hope you enjoy the little care parcel that should arrive tomorrow
xxx
plenty has happened in six days
so in order that i don't forget i'll try and capture it here...
got home on a sunny but cold tuesday morning, spent day with mum, bought a new tv stand, got some new (fake) plants for the balcony, had fish and chips for dinner...next day dropped mum off at airport and came home and did a few loads of washing...called a few friends, started to think about putting all my stuff away (did not do anything beyond think about it...)...thursday had my hair done (looks great), came home, had a nap and watched my Blues belt (in the end) the Lions...Friday felt like a complete zombie, finally caved and went to see the Dr about this hideous headache/pain...cancelled Fri night plans and had an early night - so early I was in bed by 8.30pm...Saturday can also not remember what I did...oh yes, Aldi shop, dropped off one of my pairs of new jeans for shortening and just hung out until early afternoon when Sara came over and we went for a pedicure together (very nice)...Sunday slept in, hung around house and Em came over for dinner...and that brings us to today! lazy morning, wrote a proposal for some work I hope to get, went into town (it was FREEZING outside), did a coaching session and had a meeting...
so a couple of things of note to report:
- upon getting home find out I've been successful in being selected for a govt agency coaching panel
- celebrated our 28th anniversary of arrival in Aus, thanks Dad for bringing us here :-)
ok, well i'm going to think about some more pain medication and head to bed i'm afraid - my god it's not even 8pm yet!
nite xx
got home on a sunny but cold tuesday morning, spent day with mum, bought a new tv stand, got some new (fake) plants for the balcony, had fish and chips for dinner...next day dropped mum off at airport and came home and did a few loads of washing...called a few friends, started to think about putting all my stuff away (did not do anything beyond think about it...)...thursday had my hair done (looks great), came home, had a nap and watched my Blues belt (in the end) the Lions...Friday felt like a complete zombie, finally caved and went to see the Dr about this hideous headache/pain...cancelled Fri night plans and had an early night - so early I was in bed by 8.30pm...Saturday can also not remember what I did...oh yes, Aldi shop, dropped off one of my pairs of new jeans for shortening and just hung out until early afternoon when Sara came over and we went for a pedicure together (very nice)...Sunday slept in, hung around house and Em came over for dinner...and that brings us to today! lazy morning, wrote a proposal for some work I hope to get, went into town (it was FREEZING outside), did a coaching session and had a meeting...
so a couple of things of note to report:
- upon getting home find out I've been successful in being selected for a govt agency coaching panel
- celebrated our 28th anniversary of arrival in Aus, thanks Dad for bringing us here :-)
ok, well i'm going to think about some more pain medication and head to bed i'm afraid - my god it's not even 8pm yet!
nite xx
"i want to kill myself"...
a bit dramatic I admit, but that's how I explained the pain in my head to my Doctor on Friday when she asked how bad it was...
see, in my last week of holidays I developed a headache - at times a shooting pain through the right side of my head, which when that went away, became a low grade but permanent headache...
somewhat kept at bay by a steady stream of nurofen - i have come to refer to them as smarties - this due to the frequency with which i pop them...
so i thought it might be plane travel, or sinus or the stress of coming home...but i have NO idea what is causing this and i am over it!
so i'm back to see her later this week - she took some blood to check for something called temporal arteritis (let's hope it isn't that) but i suspect the outcome is going to be that, like my mum, i will now start to be a regular at migraines :-(
no wonder it took me longer than usual to get over the jetlag, no wonder i have felt like a zombie for well over 2 weeks now...
so fingers crossed the codeine i will be taking tonight will knock this thing on it's head and my life as i know it will return...
see, in my last week of holidays I developed a headache - at times a shooting pain through the right side of my head, which when that went away, became a low grade but permanent headache...
somewhat kept at bay by a steady stream of nurofen - i have come to refer to them as smarties - this due to the frequency with which i pop them...
so i thought it might be plane travel, or sinus or the stress of coming home...but i have NO idea what is causing this and i am over it!
so i'm back to see her later this week - she took some blood to check for something called temporal arteritis (let's hope it isn't that) but i suspect the outcome is going to be that, like my mum, i will now start to be a regular at migraines :-(
no wonder it took me longer than usual to get over the jetlag, no wonder i have felt like a zombie for well over 2 weeks now...
so fingers crossed the codeine i will be taking tonight will knock this thing on it's head and my life as i know it will return...
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