my uncle

is in hospital...

won't find out until the morning what's wrong with him and how serious it is...

sad...bit worried...hoping it's nothing serious...

hope he's ok...

thinking of you uncle and sending you my love

s
x

two days in a row...

does that mean we are officially back on the bandwagon???

time will tell

xx

the long road to losing some weight

started again today...ben and i kinda fell off our fitness bandwagon shortly after catching a stomach bug from ben's nephew...

sad thing is, that was months ago and we haven't managed to re-establish a routine yet...

and i'm not saying we have done that yet - but we did exercise today - on the machines in the cold and wet, so it's a start...

it's taken long enough...

but i am now absolutely enjoying a slower pace of life! one of my friends has referred to it as 'retirement', which it's not really, as eventually i will be working again, but it kinda feels like that...

and it has taken me nearly 8 weeks to get into the swing of it, but i reckon it's worth it! my cousin told me to just ease into it and i would eventually get used to it and wonder how i had ever fitted in a full time job! well, this week i think i hit that point...

seriously, how did i? all i could muster this week was 3 meetings on Monday, 3 meetings on Tuesday, a cuppa with a mate on Wednesday followed by a hairdo, and the last 2 days have passed by in the blink of an eye...

i am enjoying the freedom from the alarm clock, the freedom from having to go into town every day during the week, i am enjoying paying only $4.80 for a return off peak ticket to the city when i do go and enjoying having lunch with friends where i'm not clock watching to get back to work in a hurry...

i am enjoying the amount of reading i am doing and have read some books that have been collecting dust for far too long on my shelves - in a bid to be more conservative (read as less frivolous) with money, i am attempting to read the books i have, rather than buying news ones each month...of course it would be remiss of me not to note that i did buy 8 books last month, albeit they didn't cost me more than $50 (total)...

i am enjoying having meetings with people i want to meet with, rather than turning up to pointless meetings where nothing is really achieved...

so, i guess now that i have finally gotten my head around not having a routine set by someone else i am really enjoying just having some time out...

so whilst i am really enjoying this time, i am conscious of the need to ensure i don't waste it, and as such, really need to focus on getting a few things done...

anyway, that's enough of a ramble for one night so i'll bid you a good night...

me
xx

ps blues won tonight which is a big plus given their very poor performance last weekend - let's hope their winning streak continues long into september!

gratitude...

is something i often encourage people i work with (in a coaching/mentoring capacity) to try out...i got it from martin seligman (of positive psychology fame)...and you know what? it really does work...

so here's my list of what i'm grateful for today:

• had a wonderful lunch with a fabulous lady yesterday..think we're gonna become good friends;
• my health since leaving 'said employer' is much improved;
• girlfriends (it's true what they say - no matter what happens, they are always there);
• not having to take the first job that comes along (for the first time in my whole life, i have
• some choice about what i do next, and it's got nothing to do with money);
• knowing the right people for the things i need to do next (i consider this very fortuitous);
• my ben...
• books (i am loving the ian mcewen book i'm reading right now)

sooo there are plenty of things to be happy about - i just need to try and remember that when things don't go exactly as i think they should...

and on that note, i'm off to bed to continue reading the amazing book...

nite
x

something cool happened today

and i'm wondering if it will be the start of something....

see i went to a counselling agency today - i've done 70 hours of placement there and will be doing another 70 in the next few weeks, and one of their staff asked me to be her coach - and they will pay!

so you see, today is pretty special...

how can a bank be

sooo incompetent? i mean seriously...so today one of their employees calls me back to tell me she's fixed everything (good on her, i mean, at least she is trying) and of course it's not what we agreed, or what i wanted, so now i have to go back into the branch again...

i am over banks! i was over banks long before tonight, but now i am really OVER them...in fact, if i never had to deal with them again, that would be good, but of course i do...

how the fuck can it be so hard? everything she is telling me isn't how the last 4 years with them have panned out - so have they changed their rules/processes and now every transaction i do seems to spark some change - some 'audit' of my loan that they think gives them the right to reduce how much i pay every month - meaning in fact i'll be paying the bloody thing off for longer?

it's fucked i tell you - absolutely fucked!

i'm very very snoozy but

figured i should document the last few days as i feel as if i might have turned a corner...

well, i'm hoping i have! am starting my outplacement support next week, am meeting up with a recruiter friday this week, am starting to think more broadly about 'what next'....and on those days when i don't feel really sad (this sadly has been a feature of the last few weeks) i am very positive and even creative (dare i say it) about what i want to do...

i met up with my coaching client today -it's always so good to see her and she helps to remind me why i want to be both a coach and a counsellor! i had lunch with an old girlfriend - not one i see too much of these days, but an old one all the same - was nice - bit short as i had to rush off, but nice to see her...will look forward to seeing her again sometime soon...

i think i'm coming off the pill when i finish this cycle - like all pills i think it has been a contributing factor to the sadness i referred to earlier, so i'm going to see if my mood improves once off it!

i'm going to write that list - you know that list people tell you to write when you are made redundant - i keep putting it off, but am starting to feel inspired to write it and to make the most of this time i have...as i have no doubt it's gonna come to an end sooner than i would really like...

i am reading heaps! just finished two for the road by amanda hampson - amazing book - didn't want to put it down, so will be scouring the 2nd hand bookshops for her first book in the next few days...

heading to canberra tomorrow for the day/night to pick up my mum and bring her back to sydney so she can fly to the uk to meet up with my dad...will look fwd to the drive with the autumn colours providing it's not raining!

that's about it...gotta go and wash up, wash my face and get ready for a chat with my dad...

nite xx

there are times when i wonder

what the fuck they teach the people who answer the phone at the bank! i just spent 28 minutes (28 minutes i will never get back that is) on the phone to my bank - seems they can change my monthly payment amount and term of my loan without even talking to me....

can you believe that? it's 2009 apparently, not 1953.....

anyway, after finally 'hearing' me, the person on the end of the phone finally understood what i wanted (yes, wanted, after all i am the customer - think i had to mention that to her twice)...

to her credit she came up with what i think is a pretty good solution - pity she couldn't have come up with it earlier, say 25 minutes earlier!

anyway, i'm now all wound up and cranky - sometimes i get so frustrated - and i know when: yep, when i don't feel heard...

do you think that's something i should maybe mention when i start up therapy again???

off the soapbox now! nite xx

if there was a gold medal for

procrastination, i reckon i'd be a bloody serious contender...

today was earmarked for doing my assignment, my last assignment before i graduate, a mere 2,500 words between me and the graduation line (oh, and another 70 hours in a counselling organisation)...

and do you think i can get myself motivated to do it? so i think i'm going to look at why i might be procrastinating - bit of self reflection and analysis surely never hurt anyone?

maybe i don't really want to finish?
maybe i'm not interested in the question (that's not entirely true...)
maybe i am just lazy (could this be true?)
maybe coz i have nothing to do, i can't be arsed doing anything at all (this could definitely be true - i have noticed that if i have 10 things to do they all get done, but if i have only one thing to do, i find all manner of excuses to put it off)...

should i consider making some changes in the way i do things? is it as a result of 18 years of corporate life or was i always like this? maybe it's time to ask the parentals if i was always like this...

maybe i'm just experiencing what it is to feel bored - truly bored - you know what i mean? without purpose bored...question is though does going to work every day really give you a purpose? i think not!

anyway, really gotta go and do this assignment...

my last post wasn't too positive...

so i'm gonna try and come at this one from a different angle!

have had an ok weekend actually - had a lovely afternoon yesterday with a group of girls - a girl I mentor invited me to her annual lady's lunch - and despite not wanting to go I made the effort, made a cake and went - i had a lovely time - the weather was so lovely we could sit outside - the company was great - the food was good too - i met some nice girls and caught up with one former work colleague who was made redundant 5 months ago - was a nice surprise to see her there and we had a great chat - we agreed to meet up in a few weeks and she insists that the rollercoaster i am on in completely normal...guess it was nice to have some re-assurance from someone who's going thru (albeit a bit farther down the path) the same thing as me...

other stuff is improving too - i sometimes get too in my head and my own fears (i was going to write stupid fears - but they aren't stupid - they are very real to me) and i let that drive a lot of stuff...managed to get some of that stuff off my chest, and feeling much more heard than i was the last week or so - thx for listening (you know who you are...)...

have a busy week ahead: have to finish an assignment, catching up with a girlfriend tuesday which i am very much looking fwd to and feeling stressed about coz it means i realy need to use tomorrow wisely (in terms of my time allocation), wednesday i'm meeting up with a guy in town (an hr contact) and having lunch with another girlfriend and thursday i'm going to meet up with a potential placement organisation (for my last 70 hour placement) and hand back in my security tag and remote access card at work - see friday 15th may is my last official day of paid work...

it's gonna be busy, but i think good - i'm starting to formulate some plans for what i will do for work, and the longer it goes that i am away from corporate life the more creative i get - this is good!! right now i am thinking that i'd still like to do outplacement consulting and career transition work, and that i'd like to complement that with something in the counselling field once i am qualified - which reminds me of another thing to do on my list: check once I have finished at what point i can practice coz there isn't another graduation ceremony until november...

anyway, it's coming good - i am trying to remember a couple of things and stop the negative self talk when it starts....

nite y'all...

it's been tough going this

week, and i'm wondering how much of it is really within my control...my moods seem to be so much a factor of the external environment and i'm not liking it - not one little bit...it has me questioning who i am, what my value is, what my worth is, and how has it come to this?

is it just a bad patch?

is it just a couple of bad days in the inevitable post redundancy rollercoaster?

i'm not really sure: what i am sure about is that i would really value from talking to someone and so should just get off my arse and call sallyanne to make an appointment...

but then something good happened - i got an email from someone i used to work with - someone who has asked me for some very personal advice and it just reminded me of my worth.....

not to say i'm bouncing off the walls, but i sat here able to smile and reflect and to try and re-connect with the essence of me that i really like and am really proud of - the essence in me that has other people bringing me into their lives and into their decisions...

gotta try and remember some of that stuff!

my dad said something to me once (not sure if he was referring to me, or the relationship between him and my mother - of course i didn't ask, and it's not relevant...) - he said that we have to make our own happiness...and he's so right, we absolutely do...

so why is it somedays, i forget that, and rely far too heavily on the external stuff? i really should know better - as what i can say almost always is the case, relying on the other stuff just doesn't work...

so herein lies the lesson of the day: go and do some more work on the within and perhaps the inevitable rollercoaster will be a more enjoyable ride!!

thank goodness for alexander graham bell...

where on earth would we be without the telephone? thank you mr bell! and why do i say this now?

well the last few weeks have been difficult and it's been nice to be able to pick up the phone and call people who live half a world away as if they were next door - i know my grandma appreciates me calling. actually she told me the other day (after i'd told her one of my silly stories and described myself as a 'card') that i was a lovely card and that she often told my granda how funny i was and how much i made her laugh :-) that really made me smile - right now she doesn't have that much to laugh about (having lost my granda and her husband of 68 years just a few weeks ago), so if i can bring a smile to her face, then that makes me happy...

also, the other night, feeling like a chat with my big sister, who lives in perth (why? i don't know - i keep asking her that and never really get a good answer!) and of course because of the phone, we could have a chat - we did quite a lengthy one actually - as i hung up the phone (only coz it was after midnight here) i noticed that we'd been on the phone nearly an hour!

i can't imagine trying to keep in touch with people (altho i love both email and letters - yes you know snail mail!) without the phone - it's great, i love it!

ok, gotta go - jeopardy's calling...

holidays are great aren't they?

did i mention i'm on holiday! yep a very long holiday...

based on the market and the fact that the 2 companies i am keen to work for aren't recruiting right at this minute (but have assured me they will be in time), i'm gonna take a coupla months off - yep you read it correctly - i'm not gonna work until 1 july...

unless of course the perfect job comes up, then i'll consider coming out of temporary retirement!!!

heartbreaking...

a bit dramatic for sure, but seriously, to come back from 25 points down, to be 5 behind and to have a kick with less than a minute to go...a kick that goes horribly wrong and hits the post....and we lose by 4...sob sob sob

poor old blues - they put up a good fight - they hung tough against last years premiers so whilst i'm sad they lost, all is not lost...

let's hope they learnt something today and they will bounce back next week

go blues...