that sometimes makes me feel insecure? that brings up all of my old shit? stuff that i really need to remember is no longer relevant?
i have been reluctant to talk about this publicly (guess blogs by their very nature are public!) but i feel the need today - i am hopeful that the process of writing things down, which usually has a way of helping me make sense of what i am experiencing, will be not only cathartic but illuminating...
i was looking through the online dictionary for the definition of silence today and of the 9 available definitions the one that resonates with me most is 'the state of being forgotten: oblivion' which of course is a bit dramatic, but honestly, it's how i feel...and one thing i have learned is that there is nothing to be gained by pretending we don't feel a certain way...
and this isn't the first time this has happened (thankfully it's one of very few times), and truthfully i'm kind of afraid to talk about it, coz i think it signals in me something i think i have gotten over but really, perhaps i haven't - and you know, somedays the silence doesn't matter, but today it seems all encompassing, and frankly, overwhelming...but i have realised today (actually whilst writing this post - so i guess in some ways it has already been illuminating) that it almost always seems to co-incide with a certain 'event'...now i know in my head that there is always a chance that this sort of event brings up thoughts and feelings and may mean that there is some reflection/thinking time, but i guess i just don't expect it to also mean complete silence - coz even though i'm sure it isn't true and there is no concrete evidence for this - it makes me feel shut out...
so i've been trying to 'sit with how i'm feeling' without judging myself or trying to analyse what's going on or find excuses for why i feel like i do and honestly, that doesn't seem to be working - it seems to be making me feel worse...worse still is that the voice in my head has started and as unwelcome as she is i am starting to listen to her...
and whilst the rational usually positive evidence gathering part of me is working overtime to try and counter the feelings of my insecure self and talk some sense into myself, i just find myself feeling worse...
i guess it's probably not helped today by a very bad nights sleep (i woke up a number of times during the night having had violent and disturbing dreams) or the onset this week of PMT (which stupidly co-incides with the week i have chosen to go on a diet - duh!) but since this is not the first time this has come up, my feelings are amplified by the fact that a small part of me is left wondering why i haven't learned to handle it better yet...
Monday, June 30, 2008
Saturday, June 28, 2008
i love my blues...
and i'm not talking about being depressed or about the NSW rugby league team, or even Chelsea....no, i'm talking about my navy blues! yep carlton had a fabulous victory today against the tigers (who were celebrating 100 years in the VFL/AFL so were expected to win...) at the MCG...
wish i'd been there! my nephew was there - him and my sister rang me to sing the song at the end of the game! pretty stressful couple of hours with the blues starting badly - missing kicks, hand passes and generally not backing each other up...second quarter a little better, third quarter much better and the fourth a delight to watch! end result was a 30 point margin which was probably not a reflection of the entire game - but you get that on occasion...
and all this without juddy - which is disappointing for daniel as juddy has recently replaced fevvy as his favourite player and i know he was really looking forward to seeing him play. guess he did get to see nathan brown play (yep, tigers player who for some bizarre and obscure reason, daniel likes!)...anyway great signs for the young blues when they can win without the judd, and great for stevo to captain the side and get a very good win (not to mention a fabulous performance himself - probably carlton's best today altho there were many good players to choose from)...
sometimes you just gotta sit through the bad stuff and wait for the good times to roll - it's been a long time coming but i think we can say the blues are back in town!
da da da da da....
wish i'd been there! my nephew was there - him and my sister rang me to sing the song at the end of the game! pretty stressful couple of hours with the blues starting badly - missing kicks, hand passes and generally not backing each other up...second quarter a little better, third quarter much better and the fourth a delight to watch! end result was a 30 point margin which was probably not a reflection of the entire game - but you get that on occasion...
and all this without juddy - which is disappointing for daniel as juddy has recently replaced fevvy as his favourite player and i know he was really looking forward to seeing him play. guess he did get to see nathan brown play (yep, tigers player who for some bizarre and obscure reason, daniel likes!)...anyway great signs for the young blues when they can win without the judd, and great for stevo to captain the side and get a very good win (not to mention a fabulous performance himself - probably carlton's best today altho there were many good players to choose from)...
sometimes you just gotta sit through the bad stuff and wait for the good times to roll - it's been a long time coming but i think we can say the blues are back in town!
da da da da da....
Monday, June 23, 2008
ever get days when you should have
stayed in bed? yep, well today was one of those for me! and it started out nicely (most days do - ben wakes up before me, leans over to say good morning to me, then offers to make a cup of tea for me, i doze whilst he's doing that, he brings me tea, has a shower, comes back to bed to say hi again, and finally i get up and shower)...
an uneventful trip to work - not even a queue to buy a ticket - bit of a bonus for a monday morning - should have known something was off!! almost immediately i got to work i knew i should have stayed home...
i got in just before 9am - this in itself is a major achievement for me on a monday morning, see i've NEVER been a morning person and the last few weeks i have not felt my best physically so i still find myself hitting 'snooze' over and over again until finally i look at the beautiful french clock on the wall nearest my bedroom windows and think that since the little hand is nearing 8am i really should get myself out of bed...
no sooner had i arrived at my desk (mp3 ear plugs still in, tea in hand and sneakers still on) my boss tells me to join him and some colleagues - my monday morning not so witty response is 'we don't have a meeting'...he glares at me, i glare back and eventually i sit down (begrudgingly...)
he goes into one of his panics (and this is his worst trait - and that's not bad as he has MANY many good ones and is generally a fabulous and down to earth boss) and basically tells us that our monday and tuesday has been hijacked by the most crappy non value administrative piece of work i am certain i have ever been asked to do...
so you can imagine my joy? two days of filling out spreadsheets which if people did their jobs correctly and were actually held accountable (have companies forgotten what that actually means?) would not need to be done...
so then i go off to my actual meeting (yep, i had a 9am that i was late for) and 30 minutes in his assistant (who is co-incidentally my best friend) calls me on my mobile to find out where i am - guess he thinks that i was pissed off enough to just go AWOL...
sooo you can just see the steam coming out of my ears now - so then the day kinda continues - lots of admin crap, not bad given my colleagues are also going thru the same shit - meeting with one of my staff which was probably the highlight of my day actually as when she told me about her weekend i felt bad for complaining! see her man lives in zimbabwe and we all now how dire a situation it is there right now...
so i return to work slightly encouraged and wishing that ben and i were beyond wealthy - by 11.30am i had serious thoughts of telling them to 'ram their job' but my down to earth practical and ultimately sensible self (some may call it boring) kept me there and thinking of all those shares that will be mine if i stick it out...for a couple more years!!!
then i finally leave (later than i would have liked which meant i didn't get to walk home - was too dark and cold) and happen to see myself side on in one of those train station mirrors and it confirms what i already knew: my arse is too fat! and i must quickly become intimate with either a diet, exercise plan or both...sob sob
so then i get to the train station - queue for a ticket is almost out the door (groan - is it always this busy when you just wanna get home?), finally get a ticket, am minding my own business and standing out of the way of station walkers when some rude fucker stands right in front of me, not only blocking the way so every person who now walks past bumps into me, but so he will also get onto the train before me and get my seat - you know the one i would have got if he hadn't pushed in front of me? dickhead...
so then i finally get home - all hot and bothered - ben and i do something of a debrief of my shit day, we get dinner sorted out and start on installing the new phones - landline broke a while ago so bought a new phone - 3 internal handsets so we can have a phone almost in every room - we can call each other from one handset to the other - oh dear!
it's all going well until i stand up, trip over a cable and pull the phone out of the wall breaking the socket as i do - is anything going to go right today i wonder?
well i guess it is: going to bed in a minute which is probably where i should have spent the entire day....thankfully when i get there ben will be there to give me a goodnight kiss - thank goodness for him xox
an uneventful trip to work - not even a queue to buy a ticket - bit of a bonus for a monday morning - should have known something was off!! almost immediately i got to work i knew i should have stayed home...
i got in just before 9am - this in itself is a major achievement for me on a monday morning, see i've NEVER been a morning person and the last few weeks i have not felt my best physically so i still find myself hitting 'snooze' over and over again until finally i look at the beautiful french clock on the wall nearest my bedroom windows and think that since the little hand is nearing 8am i really should get myself out of bed...
no sooner had i arrived at my desk (mp3 ear plugs still in, tea in hand and sneakers still on) my boss tells me to join him and some colleagues - my monday morning not so witty response is 'we don't have a meeting'...he glares at me, i glare back and eventually i sit down (begrudgingly...)
he goes into one of his panics (and this is his worst trait - and that's not bad as he has MANY many good ones and is generally a fabulous and down to earth boss) and basically tells us that our monday and tuesday has been hijacked by the most crappy non value administrative piece of work i am certain i have ever been asked to do...
so you can imagine my joy? two days of filling out spreadsheets which if people did their jobs correctly and were actually held accountable (have companies forgotten what that actually means?) would not need to be done...
so then i go off to my actual meeting (yep, i had a 9am that i was late for) and 30 minutes in his assistant (who is co-incidentally my best friend) calls me on my mobile to find out where i am - guess he thinks that i was pissed off enough to just go AWOL...
sooo you can just see the steam coming out of my ears now - so then the day kinda continues - lots of admin crap, not bad given my colleagues are also going thru the same shit - meeting with one of my staff which was probably the highlight of my day actually as when she told me about her weekend i felt bad for complaining! see her man lives in zimbabwe and we all now how dire a situation it is there right now...
so i return to work slightly encouraged and wishing that ben and i were beyond wealthy - by 11.30am i had serious thoughts of telling them to 'ram their job' but my down to earth practical and ultimately sensible self (some may call it boring) kept me there and thinking of all those shares that will be mine if i stick it out...for a couple more years!!!
then i finally leave (later than i would have liked which meant i didn't get to walk home - was too dark and cold) and happen to see myself side on in one of those train station mirrors and it confirms what i already knew: my arse is too fat! and i must quickly become intimate with either a diet, exercise plan or both...sob sob
so then i get to the train station - queue for a ticket is almost out the door (groan - is it always this busy when you just wanna get home?), finally get a ticket, am minding my own business and standing out of the way of station walkers when some rude fucker stands right in front of me, not only blocking the way so every person who now walks past bumps into me, but so he will also get onto the train before me and get my seat - you know the one i would have got if he hadn't pushed in front of me? dickhead...
so then i finally get home - all hot and bothered - ben and i do something of a debrief of my shit day, we get dinner sorted out and start on installing the new phones - landline broke a while ago so bought a new phone - 3 internal handsets so we can have a phone almost in every room - we can call each other from one handset to the other - oh dear!
it's all going well until i stand up, trip over a cable and pull the phone out of the wall breaking the socket as i do - is anything going to go right today i wonder?
well i guess it is: going to bed in a minute which is probably where i should have spent the entire day....thankfully when i get there ben will be there to give me a goodnight kiss - thank goodness for him xox
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
i'm pretty happy with my lot in life
today! found out lastnight that i not only got a high distinction for one of my papers but managed a high distinction for the entire module i did! pretty cool when you think about the amount of time i put into the module (and this is not to say i did nothing...) compared to previous modules (ie those completed 'pre ben'...)
wondering if despite my current financial crisis (more on that later...) i should buy a 'present to self' as a way of celebrating - what do you think? a pair of ridiculously high heeled and inpractical shoes? some more eye cream?...
on another note, work also seems to have turned a corner and the last few days have been enormously enjoyable and fulfilling - lots of talent management (which i guess is buzz talk for planning what we are doing to retain good people and manage out no so good people!), lots of coaching and loads of advice giving - it's been great - let's hope it continues!!!
my home phone isn't working (which is bizarre coz my internet which is on the same line, is!) and usually i would have bought a new handset by now (it's been nearly a week), but i seem to be enjoying the 'phone silence' when i get home at night (that might be coz i spend an inordinate amount of time on the phone at work, or i'm just not in the mood to talk to anyone? not really sure, for someone who claims to be a 'people person' this is a little bit of a concern no??)...
otherwise things are humming along nicely - saw my coach today - turns out i only have 1 session left with her - we've been working together for nearly 3 years and she has had a MONUNMENTAL impact on not only my career, but my life - thank you :-)
that's about all from me
nite
x
wondering if despite my current financial crisis (more on that later...) i should buy a 'present to self' as a way of celebrating - what do you think? a pair of ridiculously high heeled and inpractical shoes? some more eye cream?...
on another note, work also seems to have turned a corner and the last few days have been enormously enjoyable and fulfilling - lots of talent management (which i guess is buzz talk for planning what we are doing to retain good people and manage out no so good people!), lots of coaching and loads of advice giving - it's been great - let's hope it continues!!!
my home phone isn't working (which is bizarre coz my internet which is on the same line, is!) and usually i would have bought a new handset by now (it's been nearly a week), but i seem to be enjoying the 'phone silence' when i get home at night (that might be coz i spend an inordinate amount of time on the phone at work, or i'm just not in the mood to talk to anyone? not really sure, for someone who claims to be a 'people person' this is a little bit of a concern no??)...
otherwise things are humming along nicely - saw my coach today - turns out i only have 1 session left with her - we've been working together for nearly 3 years and she has had a MONUNMENTAL impact on not only my career, but my life - thank you :-)
that's about all from me
nite
x
Monday, June 16, 2008
sex and the city...
yep, i finally saw the movie which for those of you who know me and how obsessed i was with the show when it was on will be surprised to know that it took me over a week to get there...guess i have slightly different priorities these days!
soooo i was expecting something of a cliche - you know how books made into movies or sequels are often a complete disappointment? well i can tell you, this was not! it was full of the sorts of 'real' experiences that girls in their late 30's/early 40's truly go through - it was funny and heartfelt and real and moving - i cried at least 4 times, not including the final scene where big and carrie finally tied the knot - i loved the last 'narration' in the tv series (that the most important relationship is the one you have with yourself) - years later i can still quote it! and i loved the one in the movie too (and whilst i won't try and quote it verbatim as i'm bound to stuff it up) it was something about the dangers of labelling people...so whilst the movie was funny and in many ways a bit of 'fluff' it had some powerful and very relevant messages! why else would millions of women worldwide have organised their social lives around the next episode of sex and the city - why else did scenes in the movie get rousing receptions from the theatregoers (most of whom were women)?
what i loved most was not that big and carrie did end up together but that they did it their way (eventually)...simple is often the best...
soooo whilst it was good and i enjoyed it, it reminded me of times gone by and i experienced a lot of sadness for friends no longer in my life...in particular one...kate...kate and i met in 1997 whilst working at ibm - we quickly formed a friendship which became probably the most important friendship to me over a long period of time...in the last year i made a conscious decision to move on from the friendship as i believed (and still do, for the most part) that it was no longer working in the way i'd like it to work - but it was a grown up 'breakup' if you can call it that - i often think of kate (and her lovely children) and hope that she is happy and leading the life she wants to lead - i have (as i'm sure we all do when we move on from someone who has played a pivotal role in our lives) times when i wonder if i did the right thing and there are often things that remind me of her and the wonderful friendship we shared...
the other feeling the movie evoked in me was a sadness for a past that seems to now be well and truly behind me - see i spent the large majority (bar the odd 'liaison' here and there) of my tv viewing of SATC single...so it was interesting to see the movie now i find myself happily 'coupled'...i guess it made me sad to think that for the majority of the tv series i thought i might never meet my 'mr big'...guess i was wrong! so i guess whilst this was a happy sort of sadness, one might call it nostalgia, it made me a little sad to think of all those times i thought it would never be my turn and the pain that caused me :-(
anyway, a thank you: to kate for being a caring, inspirational and fabulous friend for the time that we were friends - i wish you well and i hope you are happy...to ben, for finding me and for loving me in the way i have wanted to be loved - you are my sunshine...
nite
xox
soooo i was expecting something of a cliche - you know how books made into movies or sequels are often a complete disappointment? well i can tell you, this was not! it was full of the sorts of 'real' experiences that girls in their late 30's/early 40's truly go through - it was funny and heartfelt and real and moving - i cried at least 4 times, not including the final scene where big and carrie finally tied the knot - i loved the last 'narration' in the tv series (that the most important relationship is the one you have with yourself) - years later i can still quote it! and i loved the one in the movie too (and whilst i won't try and quote it verbatim as i'm bound to stuff it up) it was something about the dangers of labelling people...so whilst the movie was funny and in many ways a bit of 'fluff' it had some powerful and very relevant messages! why else would millions of women worldwide have organised their social lives around the next episode of sex and the city - why else did scenes in the movie get rousing receptions from the theatregoers (most of whom were women)?
what i loved most was not that big and carrie did end up together but that they did it their way (eventually)...simple is often the best...
soooo whilst it was good and i enjoyed it, it reminded me of times gone by and i experienced a lot of sadness for friends no longer in my life...in particular one...kate...kate and i met in 1997 whilst working at ibm - we quickly formed a friendship which became probably the most important friendship to me over a long period of time...in the last year i made a conscious decision to move on from the friendship as i believed (and still do, for the most part) that it was no longer working in the way i'd like it to work - but it was a grown up 'breakup' if you can call it that - i often think of kate (and her lovely children) and hope that she is happy and leading the life she wants to lead - i have (as i'm sure we all do when we move on from someone who has played a pivotal role in our lives) times when i wonder if i did the right thing and there are often things that remind me of her and the wonderful friendship we shared...
the other feeling the movie evoked in me was a sadness for a past that seems to now be well and truly behind me - see i spent the large majority (bar the odd 'liaison' here and there) of my tv viewing of SATC single...so it was interesting to see the movie now i find myself happily 'coupled'...i guess it made me sad to think that for the majority of the tv series i thought i might never meet my 'mr big'...guess i was wrong! so i guess whilst this was a happy sort of sadness, one might call it nostalgia, it made me a little sad to think of all those times i thought it would never be my turn and the pain that caused me :-(
anyway, a thank you: to kate for being a caring, inspirational and fabulous friend for the time that we were friends - i wish you well and i hope you are happy...to ben, for finding me and for loving me in the way i have wanted to be loved - you are my sunshine...
nite
xox
Saturday, June 14, 2008
not fucking happy...
is really the only way i can describe how i felt after a conversation with my mother this morning...was going to go with disappointed but it just doesn't seem to do justice to what i experienced...
see next year i'll be turning 40 and i had initially thought that i would treat myself to a trip to nyc for the big day - but my birthday is january 10th which means it will be FREEZING in nyc and i am not a big fan of cold weather, so i figured why not stay home (ie in sydney) and have a party on the day and then travel later in the year??? kind of a year long celebration???
so part of that plan was to meet up with my dad in the uk and go to the yorkshire ashes test with him, which for the first time, in 2009, will be held at headingley...see usually they don't have ashes games there but the ICB are trying out new venues in the 2009 series...
so back to the phone call with my mother this morning - after telling her i'd already had a teary this morning (not only did ben and i have a very emotional evening lastnight but today marks the one year anniversary of my dear friend sparra's passing) she proceeds to tell me that they've decided not to go to the cricket next year as they want to be there for both of my dad's parents birthdays and the wedding of my dad's god son...
so you can imagine my disappointment and frankly hurt, when she just blurts this out - no, your father was going to talk to you (this is a plan him and i have been talking about for over a year and something i was dearly looking forward to), or i'm sorry you are disappointed, just that it doesn't suit them...
it doesn't fucking suit them to honour a committment they made to their first born daughter in the year of her 40th birthday...
not happy jan :-(
see next year i'll be turning 40 and i had initially thought that i would treat myself to a trip to nyc for the big day - but my birthday is january 10th which means it will be FREEZING in nyc and i am not a big fan of cold weather, so i figured why not stay home (ie in sydney) and have a party on the day and then travel later in the year??? kind of a year long celebration???
so part of that plan was to meet up with my dad in the uk and go to the yorkshire ashes test with him, which for the first time, in 2009, will be held at headingley...see usually they don't have ashes games there but the ICB are trying out new venues in the 2009 series...
so back to the phone call with my mother this morning - after telling her i'd already had a teary this morning (not only did ben and i have a very emotional evening lastnight but today marks the one year anniversary of my dear friend sparra's passing) she proceeds to tell me that they've decided not to go to the cricket next year as they want to be there for both of my dad's parents birthdays and the wedding of my dad's god son...
so you can imagine my disappointment and frankly hurt, when she just blurts this out - no, your father was going to talk to you (this is a plan him and i have been talking about for over a year and something i was dearly looking forward to), or i'm sorry you are disappointed, just that it doesn't suit them...
it doesn't fucking suit them to honour a committment they made to their first born daughter in the year of her 40th birthday...
not happy jan :-(
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
i realise i've been a bit quiet
of late, which kinda defeats the purpose of why i started the blog (daily writing or something like that...) but i have not only been sick (see last post) but busy at work (working on a very cool and interesting project) and had my sister and her family up for the weekend...
the visit was great, except both ben and i were sick...it was great for them to finally meet ben (they live in melbs) and great for me to see them but it is hard work entertaining when all you feel like doing is, well, nothing! actually coz when i'm sick i don't really like to actually move...and don't get me wrong, it's not like they take any 'entertaining' per se, but still when people fly 800kms to see you and they have young kids you can't just sit around ALL weekend doing nothin'...
that aside, there were many many highlights of the weekend - one of my favourite (refer a previous blog where i bemoaned the fact that my nephew and i had NEVER witnessed our team win together) moments was when the mighty Blues came back from a 30 point deficit at 3/4 time to beat the Port by 12 points - the most appropriate way to describe how cool that moment was is 'you fucking beauty!'...daniel and i were jumping around the living room like demented people, even my sister (who is not a massive AFL fan) was excited and Ben (who i'm slowly converting into a Blues fan - figure he's a St George fan - so he's already used to supporting a losing team...) was quite vocal for a 'novice' AFL fan...it was cool! in all the years i have been brainwashing the little guy about Carlton, we finally got to see them win together - NICE - the singing of the song (over and over again) never sounded so good...
ben and i reached our 3 month anniversary and celebrated by going back to manly (which is technically where we first met), got some lunch and had a look round the surf shops...my relationship with him is better than a lotto win (good job really since we didn't win the $58m - and seriously we didn't need it all - i would have been happy with $580k...maybe next time??) - things have moved to a deeper level between us and it's fabulous - another little milestone with him on the weekend but it's way too private and special to share - suffice it to say i feel like the luckiest girl on the planet...no words seem adequate for how i'm feeling right now...
sooo on another note i ran into a number of colleagues today as i found myself working at a former work location - it was really nice to see some of them - realise how many decent people i work with :-) sad though that i managed (inadvertently) to gather more evidence today against the corporate prostitution treadmill and add to my feelings of disenchantment with said employer - yet another tale of woe about how they have treated a fellow employee...it's kinda sad - i wonder if there will ever be a time when companies truly 'walk the talk'???
and finally something really cool happened last week (which i haven't yet blogged about) - i recently submitted my assignments for the last module i did - my educator emailed me to ask if i would send her a soft copy of one of my papers saying that she'd like to keep it as a sample of a 'high distinction' paper - coz i got a high distinction! yippee....very proud of self...
more later...
nite xox...
the visit was great, except both ben and i were sick...it was great for them to finally meet ben (they live in melbs) and great for me to see them but it is hard work entertaining when all you feel like doing is, well, nothing! actually coz when i'm sick i don't really like to actually move...and don't get me wrong, it's not like they take any 'entertaining' per se, but still when people fly 800kms to see you and they have young kids you can't just sit around ALL weekend doing nothin'...
that aside, there were many many highlights of the weekend - one of my favourite (refer a previous blog where i bemoaned the fact that my nephew and i had NEVER witnessed our team win together) moments was when the mighty Blues came back from a 30 point deficit at 3/4 time to beat the Port by 12 points - the most appropriate way to describe how cool that moment was is 'you fucking beauty!'...daniel and i were jumping around the living room like demented people, even my sister (who is not a massive AFL fan) was excited and Ben (who i'm slowly converting into a Blues fan - figure he's a St George fan - so he's already used to supporting a losing team...) was quite vocal for a 'novice' AFL fan...it was cool! in all the years i have been brainwashing the little guy about Carlton, we finally got to see them win together - NICE - the singing of the song (over and over again) never sounded so good...
ben and i reached our 3 month anniversary and celebrated by going back to manly (which is technically where we first met), got some lunch and had a look round the surf shops...my relationship with him is better than a lotto win (good job really since we didn't win the $58m - and seriously we didn't need it all - i would have been happy with $580k...maybe next time??) - things have moved to a deeper level between us and it's fabulous - another little milestone with him on the weekend but it's way too private and special to share - suffice it to say i feel like the luckiest girl on the planet...no words seem adequate for how i'm feeling right now...
sooo on another note i ran into a number of colleagues today as i found myself working at a former work location - it was really nice to see some of them - realise how many decent people i work with :-) sad though that i managed (inadvertently) to gather more evidence today against the corporate prostitution treadmill and add to my feelings of disenchantment with said employer - yet another tale of woe about how they have treated a fellow employee...it's kinda sad - i wonder if there will ever be a time when companies truly 'walk the talk'???
and finally something really cool happened last week (which i haven't yet blogged about) - i recently submitted my assignments for the last module i did - my educator emailed me to ask if i would send her a soft copy of one of my papers saying that she'd like to keep it as a sample of a 'high distinction' paper - coz i got a high distinction! yippee....very proud of self...
more later...
nite xox...
Thursday, June 5, 2008
still sick...
and now that i've been sick for five days, not only am i sick, but i'm also cranky...and actually i'm not sure cranky is an adequate description - i'm so fucking mad i felt like killing the IDIOT at the service station...
and this is not the first time he has evoked such a reaction in me - see way back in mid march (and i remember coz it happened the night before i was driving to canberra for easter) i went to said service station (it's my local) to fill up in preparation for the drive the next day - it was maybe 9.59pm and i swear that it took nearly 10 minutes and in that time i only managed to get $9 of petrol in the tank (now you all know how bad petrol prices are right now, so you know how little $9 buys)...i entered into a 'what the fuck is going on' sort conversation with the guy at the adjacent pump - he said he'd been there 15 minutes and he only had $14 worth of fuel in his tank...not happy jan!
so i decided to pause as my hand was about to fall off - at that time i noticed that one of the so called attendants was outside and when i asked him what was going on he said (and i quote) 'we are closing' - i said 'not really sure you can do that when there are at least five people here midway through getting fuel - it doesn't seem very customer focussed' - he just looked at me, shrugged and said 'we're closing' - what a cockfag (thanks ben - good description)...so then i go inside and ask the older gentleman what is going on - he just says he has no idea and continues to turn the outside lights off....aarrgghh
so this is not the first time i have had issues at this place - in fact as i'm typing this i'm beginning to wonder why i go back there? well let me tell you why: it's close to home and i'm all in favour of trying to support local businesses when i can...go figure, i try and do something good and it gets me nowhere...
so i'm in there today - i went in to get skim milk a seemingly no other store in naremburn sells it and i wait for what seems like 3 minutes and the old guy (the same one who was inside that time) is behind the counter just faffing around - i actually thought i was going to put my hand through the so called security thing, grab him by the neck, shake him violently and say 'i've been standing here for 3 minutes, do you think i could buy my milk now?'...
probably a good job i didn't...but of course now i have all this residual rage...i'm tired, i'm sick and i'm over rude incompetent people - i have NO idea how they hold down jobs in so called customer service industries...have they forgotten what it is they are there to do???
anyway enough from me, i'm gonna go and drown my sorrows in a cup of tea, some dark chocolates mcvities and whatever topdeck is left...
and this is not the first time he has evoked such a reaction in me - see way back in mid march (and i remember coz it happened the night before i was driving to canberra for easter) i went to said service station (it's my local) to fill up in preparation for the drive the next day - it was maybe 9.59pm and i swear that it took nearly 10 minutes and in that time i only managed to get $9 of petrol in the tank (now you all know how bad petrol prices are right now, so you know how little $9 buys)...i entered into a 'what the fuck is going on' sort conversation with the guy at the adjacent pump - he said he'd been there 15 minutes and he only had $14 worth of fuel in his tank...not happy jan!
so i decided to pause as my hand was about to fall off - at that time i noticed that one of the so called attendants was outside and when i asked him what was going on he said (and i quote) 'we are closing' - i said 'not really sure you can do that when there are at least five people here midway through getting fuel - it doesn't seem very customer focussed' - he just looked at me, shrugged and said 'we're closing' - what a cockfag (thanks ben - good description)...so then i go inside and ask the older gentleman what is going on - he just says he has no idea and continues to turn the outside lights off....aarrgghh
so this is not the first time i have had issues at this place - in fact as i'm typing this i'm beginning to wonder why i go back there? well let me tell you why: it's close to home and i'm all in favour of trying to support local businesses when i can...go figure, i try and do something good and it gets me nowhere...
so i'm in there today - i went in to get skim milk a seemingly no other store in naremburn sells it and i wait for what seems like 3 minutes and the old guy (the same one who was inside that time) is behind the counter just faffing around - i actually thought i was going to put my hand through the so called security thing, grab him by the neck, shake him violently and say 'i've been standing here for 3 minutes, do you think i could buy my milk now?'...
probably a good job i didn't...but of course now i have all this residual rage...i'm tired, i'm sick and i'm over rude incompetent people - i have NO idea how they hold down jobs in so called customer service industries...have they forgotten what it is they are there to do???
anyway enough from me, i'm gonna go and drown my sorrows in a cup of tea, some dark chocolates mcvities and whatever topdeck is left...
Sunday, June 1, 2008
i'm sick....
again....and i don't like it...
not just me, ben too
soooo we're both sick - it's boring...i hope it passes soon
one good thing is that in between feeling sick and not well enough to leave the couch we have 're-styled' the balcony this weekend and it looks GOOD...
not just me, ben too
soooo we're both sick - it's boring...i hope it passes soon
one good thing is that in between feeling sick and not well enough to leave the couch we have 're-styled' the balcony this weekend and it looks GOOD...
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